What a DAY!!!

I was certainly prophesied correctly and boy do I have a praise report for you! And not you and I can certainly appreciate it and for those who have not read the post "What a Day", I would recommend that you do. I woke up today with such JOY! I knew it was God waking me up and knocking at my heart and I received that joy early this morning. It was exam day for me today for my Western Religions course. My sister and I were discussing many things including the spirit of depression and ungratefulness that she said she was now feelings. So we talked through it and prayed through it. After prayer we both started getting a continuous stream of Heavenly downloads so to speak. It was revelation after revelation after revelation about specific things! Things like we need to not living mediocre lives in all our areas of life! Also, we all receive the revelation to the effect that we have certain specific tests and the tests of life entirely but God gave us the answers in His Word, so it's like an open Book test! We are even getting visions of our very husbands praying for us and we are both hearing from God! Praise God for He has answered our prayers. Then when I went to school with a great attitude, I was shocked that I forgot my purse with my student card. I prayed and did what I could and long story short, my mom plugged in the unplugged phone which I forgot said that it was out of service earlier that day, so when I called five minutes later, she picked up!

Further, before my exam we have to wait in front of the gym. I went past the huge crowds of students because usually there are three exams in the same gym as was the case today. I did pray before coming in the washroom stall which is as much privacy as one can get on campus and I stood alone with only my writing utensils and student card all in my pocket. Then I just leaned on the wall and just stood still humming to the Starfeild Song. God answered me again. I was in perfect peace. Which in the natural would be difficult seeing as I didn't get that much study time and I forgot my card which meant I couldn't take out my textbook from the Course Reserves. Anyway, God is good and he is creative! Oh and by the way, He lead a regular acquaintance who is unsaved to me. She talked a lot about the recession and how there is not a lot of hiring going on. But immediately I said whoa where I work its thriving and where I work they are looking to hire! Praise HIM!!! Then she asked how do we get rid of recession? And I understand her concern because I remember stepping into my car after my economics class and I was so worries and so depressed and this was way before the so called recession. But I told her through hard work and creativity and I said this too shall pass. Holy Spirit does talk through you!

So back to my exam story. There has been a dude in my tutorial whom I've noticed. And before I know it he comes through the gym doors and looks at me and says hi. Without skipping a beat I confidently say hi! Then he asked me whether this was the right place for the religion exam and I said yes. Then he came and stood next to me and long story short we struck up a conversation. He is really attractive, tall, and his voice and manner of speaking really had an effect on me. He even said he knew me from the tutorial so the favor of God has been great in this course and he was fourth year. Black, he looks like he's fairly fit, and well mannered. Before I get too far there were also some not so pleasant things like when I simply said congratulations in advance for graduation because this was his last course, he said oh don't jinx me! Soon you this tall attractive guy looking around for wood and loosing some of his cool and saying touch wood. Okay fine, he did say he was Korean but I'm sure he was mixed with something else. He was just good different. God makes them so well! Then I realize later that God heard my silent prayer of being there and standing alone and sure enough He answers my prayers. He even held the door for me instead of rushing in and forgetting about me and thinking he's never going to see me again. He sat in front of me during the exam which I may add was SO intellectually stimulating and challenging! More than that I felt the very presence of GOD and such peace I couldn't understand it! Ideas flowed like a river. Praise Him! Praise God! Praise the LORD!

What a Day

Okay, so I start the day off wonderfully with prayer. Although my dad had closed the window so that my mom and I awoke from the heat of the night, it is to be expected of him. I know I must be lenient with him, but it's hard. My mom is one of the good ones, who is sticking with this guy that any woman would throw out and run away from. Mind you he has the potential to be great and to me he will always be my dad, but when he is wearing all black and looks like a gangster homeless person, sick literally sick with God knows what each week, and talking about diarrhea it's not a pretty picture. I'm just trying to paint a picture to you about the daily challenges I face each day. And even now my dad is yelling for no reason about a quilt when my mom is trying to be reasonable with him. Why this frustration you ask? Well many things... mainly class consciousness. You see whenever others see my dad and his atrocious car I am beyond embarrassed. My fear is actually others finding out who my father really is... but here I am telling you. Today I had to call my mom to call my dad to ask him to hide his car so that the people dropping me off would not mind the smaller town house so much versus having a smaller town house with a ugh it's not even a car, its junk! They'll think.. we'll first impressions are important and these people are well, upper class, white, all Canadian family. And you know, I don't know is they know God, but they seem to be having a reasonably good family life. The man of the house drives, works, speaks on behalf of the family and the mom just sits there but mind you she is SHARP and he knows, loves, and respects her for it. I even caught them in a moment of love and romance even in their advanced age. They drive a very nice car but they spend wisely and they are well mannered honest hard-working people with very successful children! I mean woah, when I look at my fmaily I HAVE to ask WHAT HAPPENED!??!?

So before I completely go off the edge with my rant today, I feel like I should tell you that I am a little disheartened because well, I keep changing what I want to do and who I want to be, I am so dissapointed that I'm actually sick and tired of this. At this point I figure I cannot risk giving you any detail, but all I can say is what I thought I was going to be, well, it's not what I thought and all I could spit out to impress this family was talk about being a lawyer. And all I've been saying was that being a lawyer would be the last thing I would do. I was asked to go to a training session that is NOT mandatory at the opposite end of the city, taking public transit, and they knowingly scheduled me the day before my exam. I know it is not like me to complain but I just want you to get a gist of what I'm going through, so that when I give a praise report of what God has done to turn things around, you and I will both appreciate it exponentially!

Passion Fruit

Maybe my title is a bit of a stretch but it perfectly describes tonight. Thank God that today was better than yesterday! Mind you I still found myself being attacked through a futile family drama and my sister and I immediately discerned that this was not of God. Then I went and cried to God and then He gave me the strength in the midst of it all to say, no, I will not give my joy and victory to the enemy and that the only way to show the enemy that the plan to distract, disappoint and depress me is not going to work. I decided to stop crying, to stop worrying, and to start reading my textbook! And sure enough everything went back to normal like this never happened!

Tonight it was crazy how God ministered to me! It all started with a powerful Bible Study that isn't your traditional Bible study. Through the renewing of the mind and fellowship, there was new strength, new joy and a new passion! Sure enough two girls from the Bible study and I went to the local Canadian coffee shop ( yes, it's Tim Hortons for those wondering). There we discussed great matters such as God's will, and success and conviction and lo and behold here comes a student from my class who has always talked to me about class. I have found favor in her sight by God's doing only and she basically implied her respect towards me in my excelling in school work. Basically I found out her name just today, introduced her to my other friends and then she kept coming back to give ask me questions about the course. Then I actually send her and her friends my notes! And by the way, these were unsaved people, non believers! And guess what my notes or power point slides have my prayers to God in them! And even the saved document is called Glory to God! Then I keep meeting another unsaved friend who even told me today that she sat beside me because she thought I was smart. God showed me that even though He didn't reveal my exact purpose in life, there is work for me to do here and doing my readings and excelling in class according to His Spirit is more important than I originally thought!

Confusion Is Not From God

Let's just say I have done more this day in the past few minutes than I have the entire day today. I mean I was an emotional and spiritual wreck. The very things I hate to do, hate other people do, the things I said I'll never go back to doing, I did today. Why? Because I was so consumed with wanting to know about what my dream is that I was demanding things left and right from God. I was home alone most of the time and I was just driving myself crazy. I have work in a ew moments and I have not gotten any studying done whatsoever. Sometimes I think I like to procrastinate and other times and I agree with my sister when she says that she sees a similar pattern occurring in my life. For instance, everytime I am nearing exam time, I am either losing my mind, my hair, and my peace and joy. I never get any work done and I am just exhausted at the end of the day. It was really bad today. I was crying, I was depressed, and boy was I confused and frustrated.

After I listened to my sister as she discerned exactly what I was going through, I was mad at her, but it was the truth. Here I was trying to sell her what I thought was my vision for my life on the dry erase board whicle she was saying that my heart was not open to hearing from God. She was right and as I listened to Joyce Meyer's sermon after a long time, I realized what a fool I have been today. I succumed to the lies of the enemy in my mind, which lead to unnecesary reasoning which really dealt with a trust issue I had with God that needed to be dealt with immedietely. I was so down in the dumps today it was crazy! But, as the trust about me was revielved and I humbled myself before God and asked for His forgiveness, His Spirit burst in me. Although I had grieved the Spirit earlier through many bad habits, the joy was overflowing. I had peace. And furthermore, I actually heard the whisper of God speaking to my heart after the longest time. He told me that my sins are forgiven and to pick up my mat and walk and to walk in peace. He added saying tha tI should walk as if I did not go through what I went through today. That the past few hours should be forgotten and that I should press on forward. It is interesting tha teven before all this happened, God was with me and talked to me through other ways. For instance, in the middle of the day, a friend sent me a text encouragign me to read a verse in the Psalms that talked about calling to God in Truth, since He does listen to prayer. I wanted to have it all figured out, and I've learned that it's okay to ask God why once in a while, but I've learned not to let that consume me and for that to create a rift between God and I. I've learned to trust Him.

Convicted about Binge Eating

My fellow readers. Yes, it's true, I've denied it many times but the truth is I do go on occasional binges. It's time for me to face the truth about my eating habits. Even as a child I was fed beyond what my stomach could handle! This habit continued even at the age of twenty, but this area has been repeatedly been revealed to me, especially when I was nineteen turning twenty. I know by reading God's Word that this is sin, because number one it is gluttony. Secondly it is idolatry, because I was lusting after food. Thirdly it is fleshly, feeding the appetites of flesh rather than my soul, which is done by reading and meditating on the Word of God. Mind you, I wasn't transformed in a day. It was a process! Now, I have lost much weight compared with my high school years. I even hung out with gluttons in high school which did not help either. But God hears me and sees where I am heading. My dad has diabetes. I realized the path I was going on, especially when I saw the TV Show: You are What You Eat. That really hit the pit of my stomach!

I prayed and prayed. I even cried kneeling on the kitchen floor crying for God to give me desires for healthy food. Maybe someday, I will talk to you about how my eating habit became very dangerous in that it lead to me committing grave sins that nearly destroyed me even after God delivered me from my Egypt. All this may sound very cryptic, but I am sure I will reveal all to you in due time. But my focus is on the relapse that occurred last night after I came home from work. No one was really home, since my dad has no idea about anything about my life, nor my coming and going. And he could care less what I eat. So I ate and ate and ate. I couldn't stop myself. I was scared. I realized I was stressed about exams and going to school that night to study and the limited time I had. I placed my hope in food to comfort me but I know if I continue this, I would be in a great deal of danger. That is why I have to pray everyday that I will not fall into this temptation. I also need to become more fit as I'm sure everyone else feels. But to control what I eat first by exercising self control which is only for me has been through His Spirit. I know how it feels to walk in freedom from the lust of food and I know the victories both great and small that I experienced. I have tasted and seen that the LORD is good and nothing can take His place. Now it is a matter of being consistent and managing these decisions daily for a greater future and a better today!

Abraham and Lot

Today I awoke early in the morning as usual to pray and then study or read, really read the Word of God. Must I say that there is nothing like meeting with the LORD early in the morning and then having the text come alive in its multiple dimensions. It wasn't always like this for me and I figured that I should write to you about my spiritual life or walk with God, which is a daily decision. This way I can also be held accountable in finishing reading the Bible cover to cover which I have not done yet. Yes I said it! I am a Christian and I have not read the Bible cover to cover yet! But I am willing to change this. As I read God's Word I kid you not I am transformed, convicted of my wrongs (attitudes, behaviors, etc), and I really to learn more about who God is and His character. I was challenged last week and daily to go deeper in God and it is certainly very rewarding once anyone decides that. To seek Him wholeheartedly is the goal, then one will indeed find Him as He promised they would. I can confirm that.

So what blew me away the most was the distinct characters of Abraham and Lot. Even though they were brothers, they couldn't be further apart. And let me just say here I do not have a degree in Theology, nor did I attend Bible College but I believe in the inner guidance of the Holy Spirit which has made my Bible study exciting and effective. In Genesis 19, I was intrigued when I read about Lot's wife who looked back and was destroyed. There are times when I have looked back and or stayed in the same spot and was destroyed in a symbolic sense. The contrast was clear Abraham was obedient but Lot LINGERED; he was slow in moving, reluctant, afraid, hesitant and so on. This obedience issue rings true even in me because I do not always obey the promptings of the Holy Spirit even though I know God like Lot did. What is interesting is that regardless of this, God still has compassion on Lot and He is merciful towards him. He is a loving God indeed but I also learned that He is a God of justice.

Bad Day at Work

I immediately had tears in my eyes as soon as he said those words to me. Furthermore an older lady had jumped on the bandwagon and cursed me further with hurtful words that pierced my heart. This continued throughout the night. Thank God it was closing time. As soon as I got into the car I burst out in tears. Have you ever had someone say something really mean to you and it wasn't even your fault? Especially when they are in a higher position than you at work and you can't really talk back except for telling them the truth as it is respectfully with regards to their accusation. And even still they do not retract their harshness but only despite me. I am not sure why they behaved towards me in this manner because the God who sees all know that I did my best, and I do not mind correction but this was quite harsh. I do not wish to waste my time and analyze everything or dwell upon it for hours and days like I used to. As I drove home I knew that I had to forgive them right away for the hurt they have caused me. I asked God to help me forgive them. I praised Him through the trial in my car as I sang to the songs of the worship CD. I felt peace and joy deep inside my spirit.

Then when I got home, I was alone. No one was there to comfort me but I know His Spirit was there to comfort me indeed. Then my mom came home and as I was telling her what happened I couldn't help but burst into tears again. She was angry for me and said that the dude in charge has a widely known reputation for his behavior. Then she gave me a hug. My sister also came from work and together we discussed things for a little while. Then we all sat around the living room and even our cat came to join and sit with us. She was unusually cute and adorable today and in a strange way God used the cat to bring me joy! I am also glad that God gave me my sister and mother to comfort and encourage me. I prayed for him again this morning and asked God to soften his heart towards me and to find favor in his sight. I have been in certain situations before, where they would hate me without a cause but all I know is God will give me justice. In the past, God has even softened the hearts of my enemies so I know He will do it again. I place my trust and hope in God and I seek Him always.

There Has to Be More to Life!

Dear readers, let me just say I was spared today of my regular family alarm but this did occur last night before I tried to get to sleep. It was horrible. I was silent yet again wondering why the Youtube page was taking so long to load. Once the audio Bible on the web was playing, I couldn't help but say oh how sweet the sound! Yesterday was a day full of breakthroughs as I sought the Lord with all diligence and passion. I was reading the Bible, and other teaching materials and also praying with my sister for our husbands careers and so on. God revealed so much about the wrong mindsets I carried, the wrong behavior and attitudes of the heart that I had and never knew, and how life ought to be with when I live for Him wholeheartedly.

Allow me to be more specific as far as my memory recalls. For instance, I learned that morning that I have to quit thinking negative thoughts and whenever doubts arise I must delete them and re-program the way I ought to think. Then in entering the presence of God my sister and I were convicted of not living up to God's standards in the guys department. Even though we had many regrets in the past, that doesn't mean we should continue to live in the same mindset in the same way. We are to live according to God's principles no matter what. These convictions are not the same for everybody but as one pastor at my church said, living according to one's convictions through His Spirit is success so I decided right then and there to obey. Then I learned a whole series of lessons I was doing wrong, and how I needed to improve my skill set and manage my time better. I even learned that the world's system is not always the best. Being a mother requires intimate time with children so I too decided never to place children in the daycare and working twenty hours a week and making an amazing income sounds better to me than working all day everyday for a slice of that same income and having no life or balance whatsoever. There's more but I would challenge you to seek God out and He will definitely reveal things to you that is specific to your life!

Our Daily Alarm System

I guess one positive thing about this particular alarm ssyems is that it always works. I always wake up. But it feel horrible to wake up almost everyday to the sounds of my parents yelling and arguing. It never changed even after we became Christians. There is just less plates to throw away. I know my dad isn't the smartest, most selflses man out there, in fact he is so emotionally disconnected with us it hurts. But it hurts even more when my out of resentment curses my father, not with curse words but with things such as oh you were the Chairman's son and this is how you act. Mind you my mother has every right to be mad, and she defientely has more patience that I ever will have in her situation, but I would still like to treat people well no matter what because I know that pleases my Heavenly Father. It is way easier sadi than done and that is why I need God's help to love those who are according to the world are difficult to love.

Saying this however, I deeply respect my mother and I lover her in a crazy way and I know that I know that she is the best mother in the world. She opened up to us time and time again that she regrets her marriage and since she doesn't have too many friends due to her heavy responsiblities as a single parent really, she did complain way too much to us. Now, more than a career, more than even grades in school, there is such a desire in our family with my sister and I to find the best husband. According to my mother we need a family man, a responsible man and a godly man. She is a wise woman and it is because she lead this family well all the while trying to establish herself as a librian and the daily struggle she had to put up with us and my father that she is just super exhausted now. I just pray that God will bless her mightily and increase her life and give her joy because she needs to start living life again. I want to see her not give up and just get on like so many her age do, but to be alive, vibrant and energetic. But I have not walked in her shoes, or the path that she took. In the meanwhile I will pray that Holy Spirit will be the glue that holds us together and will stay on the promise that as for me and my house we will serve the Lord!

Destroying a Mediocre Mindset

There is so much you still don't know about me and my testimony with God. But I am sure in the months and years to come you will see what God has done in my life because I simply cannot contain it. I have made up my mind today that not only do I want to see change happen in my life, but I desire to see change in your life. I desire for you to be set free! Sometimes I do think wow, if only I had known and acted on the Word of God but I know He is using all things for His glory.

Last night I was at a birthday party of a good friend of mine and I could not help but ask others what they define success to be or what their vision is. I heard many great answers and some didn't know at all what to say. For instance some had received their calling at an early age, while others received it in their early twenties and other still had no clue. That night I was so excited as I got the book " Grooming the Next Generation for Success" by Dani Johnson before I left for the party. And I am so impressed! One thing I made up in my mind last night as my sister drove us home was that I will not settle for a life of mediocrity but I will live a life of greatness and an extraordinary life!

I thank God for the desires He's placed in my heart. I felt a certain level of pressure that I could not explain. It was almost becoming a frustration and regret and I was consumed with a sense of urgency. Then this morning as I was listening to Joel Osteen and his message on " Sunday is Coming", I was reminded that God has my competion date of the dreams and desires He has placed in my heart to occur at the RIGHT time; the time that is best for me to paraphrase Mr. Osteen. This certainly did take the pressure off as Mr. Osteen suggested. Early this morning I read about Dani Johnson's daughter of faith and I was crying as I read about what she had to go through at such a young age, but I was even more challenged by her faith. She had seen the purpose of her trial and did not waver in her faith but decided to be the type of Christian who would praise God even in the midst of her suffering! Wow!

Dream Casting

A great battle was taking place inside of me as I woke up this morning. I looked out to the gloomy wet outdoors. As my sister and mother awoke I knew I had to express how I really felt in my heart in where my passion and dream lies. They encouraged it and pretty soon we were engaged in a deep conversation and were pretty soon casting casting dreams. For the first time we all revealed the dreams that we were so afraid to tell anyone, even to each other. It was a great moment of bonding which I will never forget and I thank God for it. I read out excerpts of John C. Maxwell's book, " Put Your Dreams to the Test" and they listened intently. For the first time in a long time we really opened up. You could see their mind just being blown away! No one would ever believe the peace, calm and respect that we experienced in the living room together had they seen the horrible family feud last night.

I still have questioned that are remain unanswered for now. But this have I purposed in my heart, that I would not settle for a mediocre life, that I will not just be okay at what I love to do, but I would do all I can to be the best at what I do. I want to also love what I do. I have many dreams and they are big dreams. I know what is impossible with man is possible with God. I know He is with me and through Him I can do all things. I encourage you today to really be real about your dreams. Do not push them away and live a lie. Be who you are created to be. There is great peace and freedom in that. Mind you, I will still give the LSAT a try but my focus is not to be a lawyer but it is to be the best that I can be, and to be who I was created to be. And hey if it happens to be a lawyer great! But I will not drag myself, deceive myself, and live in frustration all my days. The choice is yours. You can live your life now, later, or never. Oh and by the way, the sun is shining bright outside and the sky is a bright blue, oh what a beautiful day!

The Not So Perfect Family

It was Easter Sunday yesterday. It is the glorious day where Christ rose from the dead and gave us perfect hope. Have you ever had a time where you try to show others and even have this ideal thought in your mind that your family is the perfect family and yet you know that on a daily basis this could be farther from the truth? Meaning, even though it is Easter Sunday, and even though we're Christians, and even though we just came from Church, we react in ways that are not so holy. We're still human and that is what I want to tell the world. Life happens but the good news is there is hope and we don't have to react in the same way as we used to.

I love my sister, but she is one of the difficult people to love at this time in my life. I am sure I was the same way not so long ago, but God had changed my heart and changed my ways and still continues to change me. Usually when my sister goes into a self destructing mode, she also destroys anyone and anything around her. I know, because I did the same thins. Usually I would step in and speak up but in the past this had lead to matters escalating. I resolved that I could not sleep until she exhausts herself and until she goes to sleep, so I went upstairs. As I hear hear scream and wail, cursing at my parents and the breaking of glass, I begin to write to God. I prayed as I wrote and after two hours the storm subsided and I had sought God in the wrote process. When I seek Him in the most difficult of times, times of temptation and trials, He gives me the peace, grace and strength to press on until sure enough at the right time He comes to the rescue.