JOY JOY JOY

Wowww... well I can't stop writing to Him and about Him... I wrote to Him throughout the day.. now let me .. allow me the priviledge of writing about Him... He visited me today in my room and the Holy Spirit just tickled me! lol yes.. I laughed for a good minute and really laugh.. from the inside out on my back lol! Oh man... all day for the past few days I haven't laughed like this... in fact I was the opposite and I was sad... but here was His JOY !!! Praise Him forver!

Love... Relationship... I've Got Something to Say

Dear God in Heaven, I come to You in Jesus Name, forgive me of my sins.. I have sinned greatly.. and I have offended you mightily... cleanse and wash me in the blood of Jesus Christ as I approach You In Jesus Name, amen. I'm listening to Starfield somethign to say and I was wondering why I was listening to them because I didn't reall feel like their lyrics were a reality in my life but it's closer to my life right now even though all else may seem calm outside things are surfacing in me that are shameful... last night was amazing.. for others You did an AWESOME thing like my sister which I thank You for... I know that You will use her mightily... bigger than ever.. I must confess I was jealous for some reason, but because I loved her that went away.. I wrote to You last night after a long time... and after the fact You were also doing an AWESOME work in me... I testified of Your goodness that night .. but You are always good... you brought in people to me at the diner table last night people who also You called to be a lawyer.. and others who talked to me about the prophet who had to marry the prostitute... then another individual talked me about love towards You that would motivate me to want to do what is right... no matter how I feel about it.. I must confess and be honest with you... I don't think I really truly had a relationship with You.. not sure if that has to do with my own relaitonship with my father here on erath or my own wicked ways.. but then I was thinking huh... what if the guy in question think of me like that.. I mean he probably deserved someone better than me to be real honest... and yet I have thing repulsion against him that I seem to not even want to get past.. I'm struggling with it.. It's strange because when I first met him I was quite neutral and there was nothing in him I didn't like and when I took a closer look at him I guess I saw the face was kind of weird with lines pimples etc and then I saw his shirt off and just the stuff on the face... I've seen the clear skin and I've gone out in the flesh in my own flesh pursuing the so called super hot men of teh world and getting not much progress and there is never peace with that... and my sister said there was something she felt when she saw us all together... then what I felt instead of being thanksful aside from being angry at her for leading me on with judgemental thoughts about his looks which we laughed about.. I was angry at myself and even at You ( forgive me I'm just trying to be honest... I want You) for not getting that ideal or better individual.. or at least someone I think is real cute and I feel honoured to be asked out on or all that stuff... I felt I really crushed the man yesterday... then the other individual takling to me about rewards after Heavean.. and I think you know that was so convicting like I told You last time and in eternity this man in question is probably going to be a king because he actually seems to have a reationship with you... while the man I \m trying to chase is ...You only know.. well it does seem that he is slipping away.. and this morning when I woke up.. I didn't want to wake up.. I am completely selfish I can't stand it but when I am not selfish I always get HURT likek even the creepy calls that I am so uncomfortable with.. which I started according to my sis and even meeting with those two boys in the future was cancelled nevr once did I think for praying for their sould and acting out in the love of Jesus ... the compassion for their souls.. I shoudl eb good at that stuff since I'm a pearl perosnality but no.. I'm worse than I thought.. not self condemnation .. just an observation... now that I have time... and I'm realy confused... oh and by the way thanks for the happy birthday that everyone pranked the restaurant on... it still made me feel special.. and yesterday I found that I was greving the hooy spirit and it hasn't been pictures or anything but when I moved in my own flesh ... yesterday the individual said that I'm either posessed by teh Holy Spirit or an evel spirit and yesterday I was defientely not allowing the HOly Spirit.. I was leting in all sorts of evil spirits... and I greieved You .. for tha I am sorry.. what do You want me to do... tell me.. show me. give me the love You speak of to give to others... I have not much time left... how do I live a holy life... I'm almost having a crisi of faith.. beng greatly convicted God.. it's painful... and I don't want to be weak.. what am I to do.. so yes also this morning my mom came to me in the morning and ( I just thought.. can I ever watch movies? because every time I do.. if I'm with him.. and he's not the way I am attracted to... and I know rightfully he may see waaaayy hotter girls than me on the big screen but I don't know how he will take it but for me... I won't be able to kiss him that night and I will feel trapped in the relationship no matter how much a pize he is.. not sure if I could please him.. nor if he could please me... I am sorry I have all this unbelief and distrust.. and I just hear in the song that what was black and white is grey.. but I do believe You and trust You... I just thought I had a great relaitonsip with You or GREAT faith in You but I'm wrong and I need help in this area...and also when I see amazing testimonies of those who are writing Christian novel adn having a SUPER SUPER I mean SUPER hot GODLY men as their husband I do get jealous and covet that... and wonder when if I will be a writer like that..am I being swayed by everything Is see or am I relaly supressing the gift You gave me that I'm doing nothing with when everyone aroudn me is writing books...what do I wite about... how do I seek You and write a book about seek Him if I don't know how to to seek You myself.. or sometimes looking back didn't have the will to seek You.. and I even wander.. well I know why he didn't text or call me afterwards like he usually does and I have to work with them... what about misnistry.. and doing anything ... everything.. even prayer I think write now what I'm writing is completely selfish because I dove irght into my life.. when I shoudl be wroshiping and reveing You and You holiness... You are Almighty God.. what am I doing talking about me... UGH! Forgive me Lord! I take the forgiveness You give me... I DON"T RELALY KNOW You!! Help me know YoU!! l.. I feel everyone is moivng fowrads except me.. ) so yes mom came in and told me that the papers for the divorce went through and she was relaly happy and she was praising You and I said that afterwards.... but the frist thing that came to mind was.. oh no.. I'm free... can You beleive that.. I know You heard that.. than God I'm free... then I was scared ... I mean now going out with this indivdual which looked ( after yeteay I dont knwo anymore) veyr very promising and I don't want to regret it like I did with Tim because what if they both went on to be great and I hear I was all alone... with no one comign to me because I'm not as hot as I used to be anyway in my opinion but muuuuuuch better and hotterr in other areas though.. thanks to You.. I don't knwo who I am.. am I Ishanie or Sarah.. a I tobe with Chris who may suceed wildly later.. and isn't that just like a gold digger mentallity instead loving them for whho they are... since looks don't last... oh man... why am I thinking this way... well I'm also thinking about my kids I guess... and sure he's sudu but not clear skin and not tall and no sharp features which I imagined to tell You the truth... I mean did I come to the wrong school.. should I have statye din York and should I have gone out with you know who the other hot guy who now won't even talk to me... I mean I felt bad for leavign this dude of question at the plaza but I don't know I had to study too you know... and when he touched me sexually I felt soooo weird... like turned off because his hands are small.. gentle sure... but I felt like he was just a kid.. and I'm crying Lord... this hurts... and I don't want to talke to these older ceo creepers ... maybe I'm wrong but I rallly don't want to talk to them.. plese take them away... sis says I'm too nice but when I go cold it all comes back to me... I don't dont that I will come to heaven.. but I wonder if I'll be a begger there... I mean... in a lowly state foever.. I mean how does that work... what about my daily sins known and unknown and what aboutholines and what am i dong for You... I dodn't even win a soul to You... if anything I turned them away from You... sigh... now I'm relly free to date .. or very soon to be.. Thank You for answering our prayers.. Your character is faithfulness...but yes I know that Joyce Myer isn't my business but she got at least a tall man who works out... and I know this dude in question is not fat but is quite pale and the body is not really porportionate.. I don't knwo I am totally not attracted to any part of him maybe except his blue eyes are the most heartfelt that I've seen... but do my passions and feelign not matter.. I mean if he thinks a certain way about me and I'm not.. what do I do... he ma even grow up to be tall.. at least soemthign that's attractng... and this guy seems to have character.. but ugh... why do i not value that...!!!! ??? but right now he's not.. and I don't want to marry for change in the future that's not even guaranteed.. why do I not want.. I mean was I even staying pure like You aksed us to.. and will I regret this decision if I walk away from it.. I need answers God... if I have to die to me to follow Yourself.. I'm pretty sure that's probably a good thing... but yea.. I mean.. other people having hot guys and me just living a life of always settling.. or giving in .. this prie is killing me.. butI don't want to be known as a woman who had pity on this man.. even though the truth is the guy in quesiton probably thinks I'm a total jerk and wants nothign to do with me and resented the fact I'm with him.. and maybe I'm overthinking everything.. I mean when he showed me a picture of Elvis Presley road I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO touched... like here is actually a guy who supports me and remmebers... and CARES... someone who actually cares... and even with Dani though the guy at least had an eght pack... and great features... and I want otehrs to say wow my husband is HOT God surely blessed her.. not in a way that oh how did she get her.. but where was I when he was single kind of thing athte other womens' end.. and what about this career thing.. or calling.. oh man.. even humbled gotta humbel myself in this area... ot caring abotu the world and what they think... AYE AYE AYE... I want a HOT husabnd and GOD ly too but HOT!! And yes others have this amazing vision.. about buildign school.s.. gogn to Mexico for You.. and I got ZILCH.. well not zilch just the lawyer thing which I'm saying whatttt huh.. I compare.. adn I like people.. even love people bt then at other times I dilie htem or hate them and don't want anything to do with them... relationships are hard work adn I don't have the energy God.. help me.. how come the hot guys don't come talk to me like they do my sis.. and not all hot guys are jerks... can't be... nor coudl they be ungodt.. sicne there are defientely ugly guys from this world's standards that are godless...ugh and I wodner why I have to be stuck with an ugly ungodly man.. even ugly people agree they don't want ugly.. and then I commit adultary and then in a worse mess... but I agree even though hottest guy whatever... can also lead me to adultary.. but I'm talking baout the hot godly men that i KNOWWWW are out there and were to in the past like Joseph .. and sometimes I dont' know what I want.. because even with the last scenario of regret I thought I didn't want him and ended up wanting him because I couldn't have him.. and what about .. I just realized I cna't discuss these thinsg with anyone but You.. so yea.. and what about what Dai said.. going out with the person that's right htere with me.... and people I want end up not watning me.. and I don't desire him though.. the digustion is growing even though really see nothing wrong with him.. ugh.. never did I lie going to his profiel page... I guess I do tkae on profile appreaarences like the survey asked... ugh... so frustrated.. even forgot what I was going to write.. so yes sis says he's not wimpy.. okay.. so ugh I knew that.. did I ruin everything yesteday... then again someone said.. everything will work out... yesterday I got answers from all thre guys.. and I like guys... yesterday I wanted to do away with them altogether... but I like attention from guys.. I like flirtying with guys adn getting their attention.. the good ones I mean.. ugh oh man.. Help me Lord!

This is Your creation

Trusting God and not man or Flesh

I come in Jesus Name and I conver this convo in the blood of Jesus Christi in Jesus Name, amen. Dani was touching on this today... from Jeremiah.. oh man... let's just say.. was feeling a stronghold about one things just running over my mind over and over.. headaches.. and blood rushes . aye aye aye... those two guys.. should be good to meet them. but fear of rejection and unknown came over me... it was crazyy.. but the good news is that royalty.. Sarah.. princes.. KINGLY call.. hmm in the marketplac.e. hmm and started my investing and savings today... help me Lord Jesus! Praise You for Your mercy on me.. how prideful I was.. forgive me... show me how to trust You and know Your voice! Show me whether I have both kingly and priestly annointing ... and how to witness in the marketplace to a stranger... teach me give me all boldness Lord! Give me boldness to speak JESUS and tell them of the gospel while looking into their eyes and very soul!

Veryy Intersting Day Glory to God!

I believe covering each word with the blood of Jesus Christ in Jesus Name, amen. So yes as soon as I woke up I had to rush to my dental appointment but in the car I was speaking in Tongues and praying in the car. Turns out I was forty minutes early but immediately there was contact and smiles going all around! Then as I was waiting I was just texting people left and right just flowing crazy... then I went in and I talked and CONNECTED with her my dental assistant and even got her contact info! Woah thanks GOD! Then I went to the Driver Liscence place and even made a friend while waiting on the line! Talking about enjoying every moment while waiting... she was sudu also!! Everyone actually today was sudu lol Then I went home and spent time and then went to school and got a lot of texts back and great responses and then went to school met more new people! There was a surprise bday party from my friend and there was a lot of witnessing especially to this one girl who opened up and had a lot of questions... and then met with my other friend again... and then met with moreee people and then got an hour of reading done LOL but then there was Bible STudy and I asked to two giant goregeous men of God questions and they congratlated me on entering into the new level with God.. ministering, witnessing, spendign time with God, the fire going, etc learned a LOT there... met new people as well and learned a lot about spiritual warfare... and THEN a really neat experience with UPDATE!! I mean he was HOTTT !! Every eye was looking mind you everyone was looking at me too today praise God! lol But yes we were outside on the benches...lots of jokes.. good conversation flow.. best convo since the last time I saw him. BEAUUUTIFUL eyes... my flesh was still attracted you know.. physically atrracted.. but I felt I had to continuously guard my heart unlike the other where I could be more free.. and my heart feel safe... we ofund a lot more in common like nature and the pics we took on our phone .. he walked me back even if he had a serious assignment to work on... we shared our visions... we tlaked about .. well he talked about when he first met me.... at a common friends' birthday... talked about politics.. learned a lot from him... enjoyed racoons hahah but yea it was greattt ! Now I was talking about have both the physical attraction and the heart.. a good heart... havent seen both yet reallyy... lol But I know I will in Jesus Name! Thank You God for my husband!!!:D:D:D

Pushing Through

Here I'm a pearl.... learned so much from Dani... interesting a little disturbing interaction with a prospect and in the guy department.. having feelings but not wanting to settle for less.. a husband like Dani.. Hans.. handsome, wealthy, and godly! In Jesus Name, I pray, amen!

May 23

Well goo day in the mornng but hten it was ony after time in prayer that it became a GREAAAATt day.. I means I got responses from peope favor favor favor... there was job offers and wanting to meet again because people liker my company! :O aww thanks God.. they more liked takking to You and spending time with You since it was You in me that was attracting! They need to know You! Use mee Lord In Jesus Name I pray amen. Also spent time with my interst.. shirt off took both of us aback! lol a new church and new atmonsphere and a new pub!! Glory to God! (I will worship You... I will not neglect You.. I will worship You)

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I cover and protect each word with teh blood of Jesus Christ In Jesus Name I pray amen. I don't know what to say really.. so much to say I don'r know how to express it.. I know confusion is not from God and I have all these weird feelings and fears and sometimes stepping out and being nice and talking out doesn't yield the best results... btu I need encouragement... let's just say.. and I'm really tired now.. but yesterday teh impossible happened... God firstly vitisted me in an aamazing way as I yelled out Jesus... then at work I was connecting with EVERYONE.. and told my coworker abotu JESUS totally BOLDLY wittnessing and she even said the joy was contagious off of me and then even people who hurt me in the past shared a drink with me.. we almost kissed sorta in that sense and even said that they will find out and tell me about a phoen company and even gave me a DVD to watch! I mean if that isn't God I don't know what is.. yet another supernatural day.. including meeting guys liek oslm who was in finance and went to utsc and was a paige and I just randomly talked to and we shook hands.. even with the sam a shopkeeper young and CUTE as ever! And every employee almost and customer that was near me... I mean people talked.. een customer that I've seen before.. then of course a weird spiritual attack happened... lady yelling at me.. left my soul bruisd... I forgave her for sure today.. I am still in need of healing though... i feel another worker told me sth about suffering as God's cihld taht really stuck to me.. I'll say it in detail... he said his priest said that I want this to continue but then I still need healigng... I don't knw if I reacted well because I had tears in my eyes and I wouldnt stop talking about it.. but yea everyone raise d their hands when he asked who wants to be God's best child and then when he asked who wants to sffer nobody put their hand up.. but he talked about God's son Jesus sufferign the most... that brough t me comfort.. then now I have these thogught that are hindering me... I want to walk in freedom again.. and otehr fears from teh connections I already made.. I feel dioriented not knowing lacking energy, lacking confidence... then yesteray even with my good friend we talked at great length and I talked to her SOOOO much about God liek I knnow it was Holy Spirit!! Boldly talking to her about the LIVING Christ! But I knwo there's more.. today I have mixed feelings about a guy friend of mine.. and there are other guys in my life that I started feelings for again.. but at the same time I'm indifferent to all of them.. It feels like I want to spend time with God.. .I reallyy want to travel to the nations... I want God... and oh yea I talked with every employee lifting their spirits.. and I pray that they'll be more. and there was another man a visitor from Italy who also experienced the agressiveness of the woman and I still cant forget the GOREGEOUS smart man and even someone from the ealry morning froma while back a churchgoing young man too : ) That's God and divine appointments! I want more today! I want many more divine apopointments and I want this day to be a moe supernatural day of God filled with more divine appointments than ever before... kay, witing on God now

First Funeral

Oh man yesterday went to my first funeral in Aurora from a dear friend... the daughter kept crying ... it was a sad ... also I come to You in Jesus Name and I cover each word with the blood of Jesus Christ in Jesus Name I pray Amen. So yes yesterday I asked You or conirmation and you gave me a a QUICK response. I still want more confirmation it would be great if I could get confirmation via only volunteering a very few hours that I would have the option of working four hours notice. And God I pray that the guy is a Christian and not from te enemeny but if it is from teh enemy I pray God that you would SHUT IT and I would not hear back from him but if it is from you I pray even more supernatural favor will come your way through him. And God help me to keep you first... I don't know why all these feelings of nervousness and I pray that I will be glad and learn and be mentored by this ceo guy. and I pray that You will shut the door in my mind and deliver me completely... help me to be satisfied with balance with my schedule and help me Lord with schoolwork.. I need You and depend and lean on You... may my faith be great in You. God open my ears open my eyes give me a new heart and if this ear and hesitation and worry and unrest is from You let it INCREASE but if this is NOT from you, the fear and anxiety and restlessness in this venture let if be REMOVED completely in In Jesus Name i pray Amen.. Also confirm through material God I pray, amen May my heart be overjoyed and stirred up even more!!!. I remove unbelief in Jesus Name!!!!

Texas

I cover each word with the blood of Jesus in Jesus Name... wow this is cool I'm walking on water... I feel what Peter feels sometimes but I know that JESUS is right there! Thank You Lord!! Some guys replied with kind words and I was shocked and kind of wonderinf how to respond to success and favor lol what a good problem to have.. but I know that favor comes from the Lord and not them... so I know I should stop fretting about it ... soo... I need to ask You for confirmation Lord.. so specifically I pray that You will increase my ddesire for this boy if he is the one, especially the date we have set and then I need confrimation for working or volunteering for you for the the man I met today ... I know I jumped early and even the second time I responded consistantly because I sensed it was from You but I didn't want what you want me to do.. I ask that this man would reply to me before Tuesday midnight if this is for me... but if it is not for me Lord, I pray that You would work all things out for the good!! Help me to balance my time God! I know that You want me to walk in freedom .. but I would really like confirmation.. let Inukshuk and the desire to help children through education be a desire that ever grows in my heart otherwise take it away from me if it's not from you. If the boy you know whoo and if the foundation you know whattt is nt from you shut the door in Jesus Name as soon as possible! Thank You! I love you!!! In Jesus Name I pray, Amen : )

SUPERNATURAL DAY!

I cover every word I say here with the blood of Jesus Christ, I n Jesus Name, amen. Woahhh... supernatural day... may I say yesterday was amazing because God gave me te courage and love for my dad to hug himand we hugged for a long time... I cried... but yea PRAISE GODDDDDDDDDDDDD!!! I have loooads to tell you but out of interest in time I would say DIVINE appointments today... and its all because of GOD!! All the glory is God's! From smiling at a Phillipines lady and her child who I wanted to speak but for some reason didnt forgiven I went to starbucks and then started a convo with who happened to be a CEO who wanted basically recruit me and gave me his card and got y email... I mean he just wanted a pen... It was crazy.. and then we got into a long conversation... and then next came two guys who I asked to watch my stuff who I too kto iniative to connect with and one wanted to be a lawyer and the other was already in business and taught me valuable lessons like passing on businesses and that's ow it usually works... and the other guy talked to me about law school in Europe and about thinking about a vision that was larger than life basically dreaming big and they both agreed that they don't want to work for anyone but rather be the owner and make your won schedule and want to be at kids andd the guy actually talked about Plato first what I was reading...he took it when I came back from the washroom and read it... lol until I noticed.. I mea these were 2% peoplethat I prayed and asked God to place in y life!! And further more even inanother store I met someone from church who talked about people like Buffet the billionaire and oh man he was even talking about not havign 9-5 but rather retirement and working for God and learned so much from him and even things like Kerala is the place where all the pretty ladies are from lol and then even brought me a tea!! I mean that is favor then I met others too at the church even people friends who had GREAT news and even on facebook people are praising and thanking God for me but I know that it is ALL God and Holy Spirit and of ocurse my LOVE my everything my soul My all in all my God Jesus!!! Kepp it oming Lord... let the 2 % top excellent people be placed in my path and may You use me as a blessign to others and a vessel to bring glory to Your Name my King!!!!! In Jesus Name I pray, Amen!!!!

God out-surprises you!

I protect and cover every word I write on this blog with the blog of Jesus Christ In Jesus Name I pray Amen. The look on my face was schock when I heard from my worker that I got percfect on what they have been scoring me on... I was bad before in the sixtees or lower and to hear perfect was like JESUS!! I know that this was YOU!!! Oh man, praise GOD!!! I surprised my friend with canolis and she even confessed to me that she is starting to read the Bible! Woahh!! Jesus be with this gyal and claim her as your own in Jesus Name!! But yea connecting with a lot of people today... my eneergy wore out though widway.. God has to help me with this... but overall amazing day because God is SUPER Awesomeeee and even a little time in prayer in Tongues too can do a LOOOOOOTttt!! Praise Him!

PRAISE HImmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!

Yes... today I am still in the midst of having an awesome time with God!!! Listening toDani is shaking me up and making me uncomfrtable with where I am at! YES!!! Finally! ThankYou Jesus!!!! Yesterday...without fear Holy SPirit spoke out with great answers in class even though I didn't gget to do the readings... okay I didnt do them lol even in political theory class... anddd the amazing part is He prepared the answers for me in the first class because He knew the questions tahat would come up in the next class since participation in class is ten percent... but yeaaa did you knoww that the same topics were discussed even though it was different classes... we both on the same day same time talked about socrates, plato and aristotle!! That's GoD!!! LIke oh myy gosh.. it's like the porf asked for instance what happened to Socrates then I put up my hand then he said executed.. then he quickly aked by who I said the city .. and then he immediately asked me for what.. for corrupting the youth.. 3 for 3 I was like that's GOD!!!! Becauseeee I got all these answers drilled into me in the class just before since socio is 1-3 and politicaltheory is 3-5pm. .... now that is GODDDD and I prayed that morning in tongues more and more... Woahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! I'm in awe!

Where Do I Start!?

Oh man.. I'll just go back from what happened... so yea... I had a crazy dream... first of all it was a miracle to even sleep continuously... my kneeee was spasing like crazy before and the night before I had never had much sleep and even if I tried I couldn't get to sleepp... i'll talk on that later... so yes last night I had a dream that I was in my library and DANI JOHNSON came to my library.. and I was trying to tell her that I prayed for God to bring her closer to home and she came! And then she talked to me in the back room and then she said something like or maybe I said that this is not my destiny and I just fell back and started talking in tongues.. adn then evrything else was blurry and messy... I forgot now lol.. but I defientely saw Dani multiple times..in my library... but yes I went to the doctor yesterday and God made a way for us to go early how.. by makign the doctor comem easrlier than planned and then she said I was low on magnesium... but the shakign continued until after I prayed and I was completely healed.. I felt God's Spirit hover over me... there was of course a club meeting today.. and I shared what I learned with them which was the bunjee cord analogy... you you looks like forwardmovement but binjee cord the evi one strategist pulls back downn... must pray for bunjee and cut it in Jesus Name.. and for me I beleive it was my past and myfamily relationships ... a long strong bunnjee cord lol but oh man when I listened to Dani..it was entering into another level! .... God help me! I thank God for this revelation... wow and I seem to be getting dates ;) ... no.. there's no more update ... that person forgot I gues... but one this I learned is that I forgive him : )

...Juuust Great...

yup.. where do I start my rant and venting... Itès 5:20 am and I woke up at atourn 1 am a few hours before I got to sleep and this stupid kneww is TWITCHING more than ever and I canèt get to sleep... mind you I prayed... I called on Jesus Name.. and I believe help my unbelief... forgiveness... all of that... I said sorry to mom yestertday.. my dad on earth is also up causing a rackus.. work that was never stresssful is... ughhh I even dropped all my courses except two to take things easy.. now I haev to tell work.. so much for balance... one good thing is that mom took care of me when I went t her downstaris... giving me attention and affection and a hot water bag .. but to no avail because BOTH my knees started twiching like mad.. I mean makes my whole body shake... : ( ... and it wotn stop and I donèt know why itès happening... this past few days have been miserable.. Ièm getting fatter cuz I keep eating.. I get nervous and afraid for no reason... I keep oosing a lOOOOOTT of my hair.. to the point I canèt even tie my hair or it looks like I am balding or something... how come I have such a weak personality and do the most careless things... like touching my eyes constantlty even when I realize things when I touched the book the Shack which Ièm reading from a co-worker who was terrily sick... and when will I become a lawyer.. and will I... I feel like there is so much work ot do.. I was listening to Dani yesterday.. it was really useful.. but I was thinking (after I kept crying ) how did Dani do all of this.. like it seems impossible to me.. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuughhhhhhhh my kneeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :( seriously... it killsss when it twotches.. whyyyy God.. where is the stress from... what do I do.. wher eis my healing.. I rebuked it but itès still here.. is it my psychology.. I feel so vulnerable... Iève never felt this down for so long in my life.. this event on campus which I walked and got ready fgh... I canèt slepp andthis will have long term affects on my body... OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW my kneeee STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP ugh! I cannot say I like my life right now... eating Macdonalds a large fries in my car.. never though I would get to that... maybe thatès why my body crazy... never any peace...

Martha Martha!!

Overly or too busy..... thatès me... frustrated all the time and everyone seems to be happy and relaxign but me... I am out of balance... destroyed relationships and anxious and ughhhh missing opportunities God set before me... like the Oshawa trip yesterday ... she was liek WELLL.. have fun.. ugh.. whatever... this school is driving me crazy.. I am sad and guilty and killing myself... and I do not like work without vacation... excesss is a doorway for the enemy.. and I donèt want to be sixty and have regrets... peace and joy are the knigdom of God...

reationship with God.. put in time...
relationship with myself... take the time to know myself....get truthful about yourself
stop comparing.. appreciate strenghts and God working with weaknesses
relationships with other people.. jumping off that treadmill.. getting off...
not wasting any more of my days... sitting home pity party.. hating somebody... wasted my days... wasted beign angryl.. tryign to impress my days... wasted those days... those are not the things that are important... I want Heaven and God to be proud of me...
hated life.. pressure pressue pressure.. stress... stress.. stress... SLOWWWWW DOWNNNNNNN... get some margin.. work little less and accomplish more... could not concentrate on anything else...
do sth for yourself that you really enjoy...
... a martry always does good for others and resents it and feels used and abused... you need to take care of yourself

Bad Sunday

Not good... anger.. almost demonic...lot of destruction... maybe because I hugged a stupid weirdo guy... hurt my mom a LOT... God forgive me..

REVVY

So last night I had a dream about at least two weddings and then I saw a couple on a honeymoon I guess... which in the morning I felt that it was me.. I'm still waiting on a complete interpretation... but I must say that I was pleaseed.. because I saw my mom in the audience in a huge church with a great oudoors and castle feel and I said, woah they must be rich to afford this whoever they are... and then I saw two white ladies which I felt I knew them and that they loved me like their own daughter and they my own mother or grandmother... and it's stranger now that I think of it there were two interracial couples in the restuarant we went to last night... but yes I saw a familiar family from my own church there.. a guy that actually I recognized him as this guy friend who asked me out... and he was not even here at church anymore.. but I saw his own family adn I was holding his arm... not it's all smudgy in my memory.. maybe it wasn't him... but I still sawa lotttt of church folk in my dream... I know that I was really happy.. and then today...when I was wroshipping God.. I saw that God was showing my future husband me in WHITE lol (how romantic) and I was dancing around before the Lord at this time... and I felt the excitement of my future husband it's strange but so amazing... and I felt his prayers for me ( of course my mommy too) last night..maybe that's why I saw a picture of him in the sanctuary... but I sure do appreciate him... I have a feeling that he had a past of some sort... but I'm not sure... I'll wait on the Lord for that.. lol but I have pleasure in looking forward to meeting him as Sarah... (officially lol)... sometimes when we sing the song, Lord let Your will be done, I know I've done it too.. but I think we always feel like finneee alright.. like it's something less than what we have planned.. but it's the toal opposite.. God has showed me amazing things that He has in store for me.. and I will say a thousand yeses to His will be because it is the good and perfect will of God ... GoD is GOOOOOOOOOOOODDD always... I protect this convo in Jesus Name, amen.

Encounter with God!!! JESUS!!!!

I protect his converstaion in Jesus Name and I place the blood upon each word in Jesus Name, amen. Wohooo... Oh man I really pray I remember everything that happened last night... but can you tell... I went from yelling hell out loud in the morning and having a heart of stone and hatred and self-pity and INFURIATING anger to a PRINCESS of God filled with His spirit ( love, joy, and peace and certainly favor!!!)... okay let me back up and go to the email I got from a friend from church on facebook which talked about a man name Firu I think his name is coming to church a speaker/pastor/evangelist.... to be honest with you I thought it would be interesting but my heart was still hardened against the Lord... and I know that I already was going to youth ( seeking God ) and I knew in my heart and for some reason my flesh despised the fact but acknowledged that I was going to meet God there and I will come out different, changed than I went it... it was just a matter of the means.. and already I was bummed out because I couldn't go to Chicago to hear from God, but lo and behold I heard from God in a MIGHTY way last night... I couldn't write to you last night because it was about 2 am when my sis and I acme home... okay so half-heatedly I was asked to come to sit by an aunty and leave afterwards... it worked lol I stayed until the very end.... from the beginning when we worshipped God it was not good lol I didn't feel Him at all..but then... he had an amazing message I took notes on which I may touch upon later but I'll focus on what I didn't take note of mostly... and thenn he the speaker said these words in prayer.... there is someone that came with a burden of the family and relationships... that got my attention and furthermore.. he bound the spirit of doubt and unbeilief and I was delivered from this bondage.... in the end I actually went to him and told him that it was me... he was a little shocked but then he prayed and said that Jesus can call out the burden and also carry it... and said I would draw closer to God because of this... then God told me later that night that He would give me His grace to go through anything... no one else could go through or handle what I could go through because His grace is with me... praise the LORD!! And then everyone around me before that as we were in the presence of God... which he asked us to come down and I went RIGHT AWAY which according to my other friend she admired... I didn't think anyone was looking lol then everyone was being prayed for by the speaker and I prayed that he would come near me after I had my special encounter with Him and he did! That is favor right there... but before that I stood there and I could see Jesus in the middle... and everytime I would say Jesus I had chills down my bac get stornger each time and there was a girl behind me speaking in tounges behind me and she came to me and interpreted it and she started with you are royalty!!! and started to switch to first first person here are some of the things I remember... your are His princess... worship Me... who do you think put those desires in your heart... it was Me... He sees your heart and that's what matters to Him!!!! I see that you have the hunger for the deeper things of God... I see you crying out in your room.. I hear you... I was ballinggg all throughout.. then He will lavish His love on you.. and favor favor favor! ( which my friend agreed with and said YES to and said that she sees that in my life and she also said that I honour God.. or somethign to that effect which really blessed me..God bless her)Deeclared over my life... don't believe things that don't fall in accordance or agree with My Word... those thought are from a liar! I will give you understanding and wisdom as you desire... oh man there is defientely still more... but I remember seeing the fair man I always saw before this girl spoke with me and usually I see him praying with a white t-shirt on but this time I saw him standing upright ( now there's a good descript.. an upright man before God).. and he still had a white t-shirt on ( which may represent purity) but I could see that he had a lovely colour brown of hair about an inch or so long.. and sharp features.. I only saw his face at a side.. so I couldn't see his eyes but I haven't seen him before... but I could tell he is very close to God). Then I asked God... no this is from the enemey trying to trick me, tempt me, etc.. can't be for me... then God said... why not.. I said so.. and so be it.. enjoy! LOL Basically saying, he's for me lol! yay God!! He doesn't want to dissapoint me.. and liek He said.. He is the one that put the desire in my heart... oh man then this was confirmed I guess with the aunty who brought me saing that she saw that my friend and I woudl have lovable husabnds in Jesus Name wohoo! I receive that! I was even told I lost weight and that I look fantastic! wohoo and that my dream about going to the washroom last night's DREAM that it may be breaking the norm... succeeding in what men ususlaly do... cough cough LAW!!! hahaha! I just want to take this opportunity to thank Jesus! For I am light ... and the burden has been lifted off me by the Great I AM ! Thank You, thank You! thank You so much!! Youar ea GREAT God! All the glory belongs to you! I bless Your Holy Name! I worship You! I protect this converstaion with the blood of Jesus Christ, amen.

FireEngine

To see a fire-engine, could denote worry under extraordinary circumstances, but which will result in good fortune. To see one broken down, foretells accident or serious loss For a young woman to ride on one, could denote she will engage in some unladylike and obnoxious affair.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

This was from a dream interpretation source and it still doesn't describe teh delemma I'm in... I think I'm having a slow but steady nervous breakdown... about questioning my life... not my beliefs... but there is no easy solution to this one... I really do not like waking up to my earthly so called "dad's" ( he is so far from that... I don't even know anymore about this whole dad thing)... I don't like his presence, smell nor his voice.... it kills me... it was sad that I have never known any other man than him all my life... why does my life have to be SAD and pitied while others live a HIGHER quality of life... maybe I have problems too... but I just don't like him and to be frank he died to me a VERYYYYYYYYYYYYYY long time ago... he's gone... and I always see more and more wickedness from him and I'm frankly reallyy worried for our lives.... adn to wake up to that reality every day is soo challenging.. he's a stronghold... I can't hear God, but I know He can hear me... and if God kept him in my life for so long and want to continue to.. I really would like an explanation although I know that since He is God, he doesn't have to explain Himself... and sure there's love and forgiveness... BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT this is not right... I will stand up for what's wrong...



p.s. I have to say that the interpretation is confirmed through my second dream the same night about me going in and using a men's washroom... Fire Engine

To see a fire engine in your dream, suggests that you are tending to the needs of others and overlooking your own needs. You worry and stress out in situations that are beyond your control. Stop trying to be in the middle of things and stop trying to fix things. Trust that things will work itself out in the end. Use more discretion.

I also saw my church and I was in a pink sari and I saw some familiar faces.. and I saw a map showing something happening in a farm that was an hour's away... WEIRD

Fire engine meanings...

A fire engine is extreamly positive and shows luck is coming your way. If you saw the fire engine returning from the fire then you are going to be disappointed with a salary rise or an amount of money given to you - in the near future. If you are travelling in the fire engine then you will have to be more protective over somebody in the future.

Sigh... Explosion!

Yup... so another family FEUD to put it as an understatement... international conflict and problem solving I can see a resolution... working towards one at least... but a solution to my own house I cannot.... seeing my dad angry... he's so unpredictable... and so selfish... I mean his mutton over me... and that mumbling... I ask my mom why did you select him.. I mean how in the world did you do this... look at this curse we're living with and she said he manipulated her... oh my gosh... I don't want to be a statistic of a family no more ( God forbid)... I don't trust him... maybe that's why I have God issues.. guy issues... and relationship issues... I mean it kills... I had suicidal and depressing thought come to me.. even now I\m just so SAD... listening to Cry in My Heart by Starfield... why did my sister throw the mutton in his car.. why did I scream at him uncontrollably...what's this anger and shame and fear... how can I sleep... it's ten... that's what we fought about.. he has no love.. adn he has absolutely NO RESPECT .. ZERO... he talsbadly to my mom.. but how do I live with him...it was too late for me... certainly the warning came too late... ugh!! Sometimes I don't know why Jesus doesn't take me to Him sooner... rather than later... : (... I see the title again.. seek Him... ( miz of emotion.. fear of him killing himself because of me... he's so unpreditable... always on eggshells when I come home... Lord.. this is certianly tough... I need You to get through this ... I can't obviously do this alone.. otherwise ... well yea.. you the readers get the idea..

Stoic

Yes that's the only word that came to me as I was thinking what to entitle this blog. Long story short went on a crazy emotional roller coaster found myself crying before heading to work, being yelled at by my own sister, feeling so vulnerable and insecure, watched two movie today and didn't do any work, and didn't feel God's presence the way I used to and certainly the cancellation of my the long awaited trip to Chicago was not helping and neither was my both threatening to fire me today... yikes... and to that I was so emotionless because well... I tried my best and the weather was just horrid today.... described what I was feeling inside... I felt small today for some reason... I questioned who I was... and even the whole getting dates... it all seemed to e my fault... I don't know ... what can I do... what could I do... yes.. so employees were randomly nice to me as teh night came to a close... but I felt as if I couldn't trust anyone... and I really wanted the woman with crooked feet to walk... but I prayed in my head... how could I pray in the workplace... ugh.... but she could be healed... and the abortion story by a pastor just got to me and broke my heart and the movie the leap year stirred a new love for Ireland for me.. .and Irish Romance ... sometimes I find myself not knowing what I really want... or even need... and the whole debate about godly men and being good enough physically and throwing everything out tht window.. what about love.. love after marriage? God help me indeed... Now I know how King David felt...I'm sure there was way more but I'm going to call it a night...

A Little While Longer

Well last night the BBQ I went to, God totally had a divine appointment for me and we talked about a myriad of topics and I learned a lot that night. Also, there were strangers from my class who immediately recognized me and said oh I know you, the TA kept calling your name all the time Sarah this and Sarah that. Wow, praise God! And yesterday God gave me such boldness, favor and courage in class participation it was so great! I know there is more to come! And today, I thought I could do the same things I usually. For instance I thought spending time with God alone and listening to some pastors and reading some psalms and a prayer for the day would do it, but I knew there was something different... sure enough my mohter was snapping at me and usually that means something deeper is brewing... and sure enough she expressed it in no time flat.. basically we were not going to on a trip that we had planned and spent a LOT of money on... and that and my time of the month and me wanting to spend more time with God and I think He wanted me to stay a little while longer and in in decision I was eating and eating and watching videos on youtube about God mind you, but God wanted time to spend time with me... I'm still waiting on Him but I needed to tell you about it.. God bless you!

WORSHIP

Wow, from last night onwards my day hasn't exactly been what I had expected and I mean that in a good way. Sure there is still work I need to do, but boy do I have peace. All of this is because of God, and because He called me to worship Him. After school yesterday, I had zero in my gas tank, but as I was listening to Bill Johnson, my faith was stirred up and then my sister and I worshipped God, without asking anything, just worshipped Him and sure enough He showed up in a MAGNIFICENT way! My sister especially received visions, especially a vivid one of God on a golden throne and the enemy struggling under His feet. WOW! God is SUPER AWESOME! And then last night my mom said that there was a co-worker who also wanted to do international law which God had impressed upon my heart and she was deliberate in working in the UN which God was also stirring in me in the recent days. God is amazing! And that's an understatement, because TURLY He is BEYOND AMAZING!

And then this morning too I spend a wonderful time in His presence. I learned more about Him and who He is. As I was listening to a video entitled Prayer Meeting by Bill Johnson I actually felt the power of GOD being released in the living room and I started to speak in Toungues before the pastor even encouraged it. Also, this morning mom told me that the insurance took off 25 dollars a month from my insurance praise God Almighty!! Then I was reminded of how I was paying for my sponsor child 35 dollars a month and God really is no man's debtor and in fact He really does outgive you.

Update; texting back and forth for next week lol

TIME!

Okay, I'm going to make this short and sweet! Well, my most immediate report consists of a text from a friend from the past which I am seeking God for. I have responded and the ball is in his court. I will explain later if worth explaining but boy was I shocked. I pray that God will rule in my heart. But last night was a storm of a doosy only because there was hollering, drama, and yelling at demons and the devil himself. Thank God there was sleep after that but a lot of energy was wasted. David really knew what he was talking about because though the sorrow may last for the night the joy comes in the morning which is what God reminded me of in the morning in the Psalm. Sadly this has been too often than not the case in my family. Thankfully God reconciled all of us in the morning for the most part. My sister is in my prayers because she is vulnerable right now. May God Himself protect her in Jesus Name.

Must I also say that most of the marks I got back from last semester are a mighty praise report to God! I mean, the marks are a testimony of God's goodness and faithfulness even in the most difficult of circumstances. And oh yes currently I need more of His grace because there's a lot of material to cover. I pray God will be with us for the Chicago trip because we really need Him. Time is of the essence and my courses are really challenging the way I am thinking about what's around me and my future. God is my refuge. He is my help. He is not mad at me. He loves me and He loves you! Hallelujah! Blessed be the Name of the Lord, forever and ever! Amen!

so.. update... yea I thought it wouldn't happen this way.. and I relaly dislike how this is bothering me and has become a destraction and by writing as fast as I can to try an explain the damage control I am goign through and the painful analysis of every text word and the painful checking of the phone to see if I received a text ugh!! And then seeing the conversation look badly on me because I answered to fast or too slow.. etc... just didn't work and haven't gotten a reply since... should've just said.. yes let's get french vanilla... what time? as opposed to just givign a time.. and then whatever.. I need God.. lol JESUS!! I call on Your Name for strenght and and hope!

OKay so another update... I was writing my previous update when I had to sign out because a friend as Holy Spirit quietly warned me ( which I propose Holy SPirit You should really yell at me and warn me.. I know I know You're gentle and I love that about you) butt yea lo and behold it was a friend who totally caught me off guard.. I didn't have much to offer.. accept she provided me with chocolate which realllly actually helped and as I was making my way towards tim hortons I quickly turned the other way... why you ask.. or it was relaly likeme in indecision in the allway whether to go in or not.. especially because the person in question was in view.. I recognized his glasses as always .. it waws him allright.. no wonder he wasn't replying .... weird... he was speaking with my POLB90 professor from this morning!! really weird... my curious mind is going crazy as to the story behind it all lol... and I'm debating whether to go or not.. but then I figure it's best to stay away... it would be realllyy awkward... I'm thursty now lol Thanks God for showing me thr truth.. woah I wanna talk with my professor s at TIm Hortons... he doesn't brag about it liek I would've eh.. much to learn... thanks God for indeed being with me! I love YOU!

Remembering the Goodness of God

God has dealt bountifully with me. In the past few days, He has shown Himself to be my GOD in whom I trust. I know it's vague, but it is certainly hard to capture His goodness to me and my family. Allow me to take note of some very important instances.

- When the day before I was a nervous wreck that was paralyzed by fear and even heard comments from my driving instructor like what you lost yourself or panicked and had fear... the last words I wanted to hear and I went home in such dismay and defeat
- I watched blind sight the movie and that really did inspire me and after prayer and talking with God I headed off to work and when there I still had favor with my co-workers thanks be to God
- The next day, Friday I was so nervous that my knees were shaking, especially after last night. I had an amazing time with God in the morning! Then I filled my head with more of His Word. I was at peace. Then we did a dry run before the actual G test. I still had things I needed to work on but I had a new attitude. I knew who I was and whose I was! Hallelujah!
- Then in the middle of the test a friend of my instructor came by and talked to me about investing young and even talking about life in general. His view was according to what his financial adviser was life was an upward staircase with the person with a yo-yo... that you still have ups and downs while you are on your way up. He continued talking with holidays and holiday homes with family and friends and seemed to be a fairly rich man
- Then after we were waiting for our actual examiner, my instructor and I connected and we were talking about what's important in life. For she knew someone who was the same age as I was, 21, and had cancer and lost all her hair but she was so full of life and knew how fragile life was and even said that what used to bother her didn't bother her anymore. Little did we both know God was preparing my heart. I also confess I was thanking God for the victory even before it actually happened!! Yes I got my G license, glory be to God! I felt God sustain me with His very presence! I even boldly talked with the examiner and asked for her name and shook hands and said nice to meet you. She was shocked! But I knew that was God! His confidence is irresistible!
- Mom even told me that she was going to pray but God told her no need because He has already taken care of me. Wow! God really made my day! Because the G license is lifelong! Then my instructor and I connected even more and then exchanged such great words of kindness and even faith.
- Then I went to get a haircut with my mom and got the watch my mom got for my birthday fixed and then we headed for the photo shoot which was painful and hilarious only because the photographer even said tilt your heads towards one another because if you don't it looks like you don't like one another and everyone BURST out laughing because in most cases it was true of our family. Dad was certainly embarrassing but he was looked upon more with pity and sadness. I leave him to God.
- Then as we were to study on Friday night, God placed it in our hearts to go to the youth service where we got to relax and catch up with friends and connect with them face to face. God knew what we needed. I got to meet some new faces. For instance I saw some children who I wan my sons and daughters to look like. And they were so beautiful both inside and out and they were kind and filled with the Holy Spirit. I was so impressed by the young generation.
- Yesterday I had work all day and boy did I learn a lot about a co-worker of mine. I didn't even know spell-work even existed and was practiced. That's just a small snippet. Then I heard of one who spoke harshly to me who recently smiles at me, who God revealed to me through another that was speaking unfavorably towards me due to an unknown cause. I prayed boldly that lunch hour and I await in expectation in my God!

Reflections and Observations

It's times like these that I really enjoy writing. Not because I am at my best state, but because I can reflect on what troubles my heart and torments my mind. I am actually very tired right now and the weather is quite gloomy, raining and all outside. i have a throbbing headache and I don't feel so great. As I look at the title of the blog again I am reminded about something that God has been telling me over and over again. Seek Him. I though too much today I think. I even got myself into a pity party of sorts and even lost hope. Where was my faith? And where did it all come crashing down? I'm not sure. Was it the time I looked in the mirror and see that my hairs were falling not just in the middle of my forehead but was spreading westward (yikes! hair to a girl is incredibly important), or was it the time i felt my heart beating, my body being gripped with fear and then remaining in what sociologists term the "silent ghetto". Why was I walking in such a dreary state. i started the day off so well, and full of energy and here I am with none. Certainly it could have been because I didn't eat too well. But I don't know. I guess I'm realizing the reality of it all.

Well, I'm speaking of being an international law, being a mother, changing the world, being eloquent and a great and intimidating yet respected speaker in class, to being wed and going on dates to working and the driving test... and even spending time with God like I used to at great length or even time having fun and reading something that I'm interested in and meeting new people and the list goes on, mind you travel is something that I long for and I am deeply depriving myself of. How? It's overwhelming and I know I'm in deep... I know that yesterday Dani talked about fear and it was such a powerful sermon... I guess things take time... I wish I could explain everything to you but it's hard.. even time spending writing is quite valuable time that I have lost... sometimes it's frustrating... like how will I ever stand out of this huge crowd... and wow.. I'm starting to sound very self centered... I guess I had a lot to tell you today but in the end I'm lost for words... I do realize the pressure to be rich and be an owner and not a means or just an employee... the whole richer is better .. and I know God is with me... it's hard to tell and I haev to pray for this because usually around the time I have my monthly you know is when I act CRAZY or unlike myself.. and i hate that it happens every month.. I always feel like this.. I know it's natural but its so costly and damaging and destructive. I only pray that I will walk in God's spirit in Jesus Name amen.



Oh my gosh. God is AWESOME! He spoke me through the message sermon Be Yourself by Joyce Meyer.. and I don't know I just typed her name in the you tube page and I already feel better.. though my flesh is weak, my spirit is well!!! There's a lot of talk of King David even yesterday with Dani and my mom and today with Joyce...God is revealing a LOT. Take a listen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inb4hHOFtak&NR=1

Power of Mother's Prayer

Apart from the huge organizational relief in logistics that I experienced during exams season due to my mother's prayers, there were other instances where prayer was a powerful weapon and lead to great, unimaginable success. For example, there was the instance where I had immense favor with a co-worker and then had them come to me about God and then on top of that God gave me divine wisdom and clarity in dealing with a situation. I know that that was God and I could also feel the presence and power of God as well as my mother's prayers. I knew in my heart that someone ( my mom) was praying for me. May God richly bless my mother and may God continue to move through me in my workplace and protect the workplace and my relationships and cover me also with the blood of Jesus Christ. Amen.

I couldn't help but continue saying that GOD IS AWESOME!! HE REALLY IS!! I was so anxious yesterday! I was super anxious I was completely going crazy! But God rescued me and gave me peace! Praise be to Him! Then I asked Him okay so I know you don't want me to be a librarian (that's a funny story in itself because it displayed God's great sense of humor and in how everything went into harmony right after my lawyer breakthrough), so what am I doing here? What is the purpose of this? Because I know you want me to be here ( this was before conversing with my co-worker who did by the way say that they felt a sense of peace and a huge load lifted off their chest; to God be the glory). Then as I was filing the books, He said in a gentle voice, "it's so you can learn how to focus" . I was surprised was that really God? Then I instinctively asked, why? And then He said, " the LSAT is four hours, you need to learn how to focus for hours at a stretch" I was like WOAH!!! That gave me goosebumps!! He is so gentle, so loving! I love HIm! Focus kept coming up over and over again at my lack of focus was brought up a lot.. so there you go!

Also, mom and I also talked about introverted and extroverted people, I being an introverted person mostly and looking for a mostly extroverted person to be a life partner and husband and friend. There is nothing like talking with God and especially hearing from God!

The Seat Next Door

In my International Development class I found a boy that sat right next to me and it made me feel really uncomfortable at first. I wanted to move, but I remained there because I wanted to be polite. But the smoke smell was on him and sure enough he did smoke after class, but that was not the part I was annoyed with. It was the fact that he sat next to me, he asked me for a pen, kept looking at me throughout the class, kept saying thank you too many times, ugh! Why do I attract the same kind of insecure, prideful, foolish men. Sure enough he was restless in his seat, his friends were no different after class, and he talked without any sense. He was being overly kind and even the professor noticed because he wouldn't shut up about basically making stuff up, as the profs would say, " BSing". Then sure enough the prof said to him very sternly, " make sure you have the facts straight about an example before speaking". Wow! That had such an impact on me. For instance, I was reminded of the Legally Blonde line where the professor told the student harshly, " knowing before speaking". Then as I left the classroom, I asked God, why did that happen? Then in a still, small voice He said, well I wanted you to see how you act around guys that you particularly are fond of, especially in the first instance. The same feeling of being uncomfortable around them and displaying a false sense of confidence anxiety was a turn off at best. I now could see how I have acted in a similar situation, when I wasn't calm, cool and collected, an inner, steady confidence that is much needed if ever I would enter into a successful relationship and keep it. It was in the end, a learning experience.

Today I also met with a friend i made in this school and I know God has entrusted her to me in this season. I pray that I will be an excellent example of what it means to be a Christian and to exhibit excellence and integrity. May God protect this bond and friendship with the blood of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Moments of Kindness

On Saturday my sister dropped twenty dollars and someone told us about it asap in the food court. Also, yesterday a man actually came out to our car to return my laptop cable! it's all God! Thank You Lord! You really do care for us! Love You!

God Moments

So yesterday was a miracle day because God did the impossible right in front of my eyes. Long story short He opened up the PORTAL which I shouldn't have been able to access until later this week but because I really needed to see my course syllabus He made a way! Then to print everything out I went to the computer lab with my sister and there met two new guys, one of which needed help with printing. Then as we were leaving the building the other guy ran up behind us, panting and all from the run and gave me his contact info! Praise God, because I did pray for it to be a "summer of Love". Then this morning my sister saw a vision of me handing in my assignments early. Praise God! I receive that prophecy. Also, my mom had a revelation today about how I used to believe a lie which held me back; that I couldn't do my work and go out or have a relationship at the same time. It was so true and it held me back, but we have asked God to heal me of it and we have prayed into it.

Yesterday did not start off to a good day. Let's just say family troubles, Something really bad happened but the good news is that God assured us that what was intended for evil will be used for good. We did go to Oakville that day and it was great. I know I had a huge break from blogging because of exams, but I will try my best to blog before each night.

GOD IS AWESOME!!! Here is an update from the exams which I could recall (dates not in order):

- Yesterday young adults group and was able to make it, getting day off of work and met up with someone who also wants to be a lawyer and is a Christian
- God speaking to me saying, seek Me
- Yesterday at work favour from the supervisor during training and with my coworkers even the one that really hurt my feelings and carries a racist spirit, who even asked about how my exam went ( I was so surprised) Praise God!
- My last exam a friend hi fived me because they were a TA when I put my hand up to indicate that I was finished
- Tuesday watched an amazing video about how great God is (sun breather and Laminin) and even told a person I just met ( he was debating whether to come to the Bible Study on our campus or not based on feeling bad about leaving early but then I said are you not convicted now and he couldn’t rebottle that and everyone there was giving me high fives and immediately I said, I`m going to be a lawyer (in Jesus Name, Amen!).
- Sunday was an epic day only because I realized when I studied the primary and secondary markets and when I came home between the three of us ( my mom and sister and I) that there was a real conviction aout being a lawyer and God told my mom I don`t want to disappoint you or something to that effect and I thought that was really sweet of God to say. And I heard a strong but gentle yes in my spirit, very firm confirmation. So yes I was crying a lot because of God`s love!
- On Birthday, we the family went to the Chinese mall in Richmond Hill and the atmosphere was great!
- Then also we went to fish restaurant near our school with a couple of people I do not really know but then got to know, overall decent bunch, then there was this younger guy who was really cute with gorgeous hazel eyes who was unusually kind to me ( I mean from continuously asking me questions about me, to noticing things I don’t notice about me and my phone for instance, to having a completely open body language towards me, eye contact, great listener, remembering what I`ve told him, laughing at my jokes when no one paying attention, the whole deal) But he was younger than me and he knew that I was a couple of years older. I wonder why I always get attention from younger guys but anywho I learned that favour is from God and that He is the giver of favour
- At the restaurant on my birthday met a lady that I felt I should encourage, the waitress and sure enough we shook hands and she expressed without her knowledge about Christians that come from Church on good Friday and were acting really rude to her and apparently they hurt her a lot because she`s spreading that bad rap that someone started

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