It's times like these that I really enjoy writing. Not because I am at my best state, but because I can reflect on what troubles my heart and torments my mind. I am actually very tired right now and the weather is quite gloomy, raining and all outside. i have a throbbing headache and I don't feel so great. As I look at the title of the blog again I am reminded about something that God has been telling me over and over again. Seek Him. I though too much today I think. I even got myself into a pity party of sorts and even lost hope. Where was my faith? And where did it all come crashing down? I'm not sure. Was it the time I looked in the mirror and see that my hairs were falling not just in the middle of my forehead but was spreading westward (yikes! hair to a girl is incredibly important), or was it the time i felt my heart beating, my body being gripped with fear and then remaining in what sociologists term the "silent ghetto". Why was I walking in such a dreary state. i started the day off so well, and full of energy and here I am with none. Certainly it could have been because I didn't eat too well. But I don't know. I guess I'm realizing the reality of it all.
Well, I'm speaking of being an international law, being a mother, changing the world, being eloquent and a great and intimidating yet respected speaker in class, to being wed and going on dates to working and the driving test... and even spending time with God like I used to at great length or even time having fun and reading something that I'm interested in and meeting new people and the list goes on, mind you travel is something that I long for and I am deeply depriving myself of. How? It's overwhelming and I know I'm in deep... I know that yesterday Dani talked about fear and it was such a powerful sermon... I guess things take time... I wish I could explain everything to you but it's hard.. even time spending writing is quite valuable time that I have lost... sometimes it's frustrating... like how will I ever stand out of this huge crowd... and wow.. I'm starting to sound very self centered... I guess I had a lot to tell you today but in the end I'm lost for words... I do realize the pressure to be rich and be an owner and not a means or just an employee... the whole richer is better .. and I know God is with me... it's hard to tell and I haev to pray for this because usually around the time I have my monthly you know is when I act CRAZY or unlike myself.. and i hate that it happens every month.. I always feel like this.. I know it's natural but its so costly and damaging and destructive. I only pray that I will walk in God's spirit in Jesus Name amen.
Oh my gosh. God is AWESOME! He spoke me through the message sermon Be Yourself by Joyce Meyer.. and I don't know I just typed her name in the you tube page and I already feel better.. though my flesh is weak, my spirit is well!!! There's a lot of talk of King David even yesterday with Dani and my mom and today with Joyce...God is revealing a LOT. Take a listen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inb4hHOFtak&NR=1
No comments:
Post a Comment