Sigh... Explosion!

Yup... so another family FEUD to put it as an understatement... international conflict and problem solving I can see a resolution... working towards one at least... but a solution to my own house I cannot.... seeing my dad angry... he's so unpredictable... and so selfish... I mean his mutton over me... and that mumbling... I ask my mom why did you select him.. I mean how in the world did you do this... look at this curse we're living with and she said he manipulated her... oh my gosh... I don't want to be a statistic of a family no more ( God forbid)... I don't trust him... maybe that's why I have God issues.. guy issues... and relationship issues... I mean it kills... I had suicidal and depressing thought come to me.. even now I\m just so SAD... listening to Cry in My Heart by Starfield... why did my sister throw the mutton in his car.. why did I scream at him uncontrollably...what's this anger and shame and fear... how can I sleep... it's ten... that's what we fought about.. he has no love.. adn he has absolutely NO RESPECT .. ZERO... he talsbadly to my mom.. but how do I live with him...it was too late for me... certainly the warning came too late... ugh!! Sometimes I don't know why Jesus doesn't take me to Him sooner... rather than later... : (... I see the title again.. seek Him... ( miz of emotion.. fear of him killing himself because of me... he's so unpreditable... always on eggshells when I come home... Lord.. this is certianly tough... I need You to get through this ... I can't obviously do this alone.. otherwise ... well yea.. you the readers get the idea..