25 days of Summer

Hey everyone,

I know I've been away for a while now but with good reason. I've had to finish my summer exams. I have to say, although I'm well into my 25 days of summer it has been nothing less than a super fun adventure with God! Each day there is something new and exciting! I also found that I am growing with each godly conversation and that traveling around the city and attending local events (rock climbing, cafes, downtown, etc) is so much fun! I also found that faith in God is truly living and believing that God is GOOD and He is SUPER GOOD, He is AWESOME! Praise Report: Be encouraged because God is moving in my workplace; we all even hang out after work now and I'm the only Christian there. There is also much more eventful times of the boldness I never knew i had in me when I danced to salsa music on stage in front of a large crowd; I mean where can you go from His presence?! He is always with you! Definitely living life fast or slow paced, It's always good with Him.

On a side note pray for my father... who is yet to really "know" Jesus..he's been away for some time and the truth that I have been neglected from birth and never really had an earthly father is painful (emotionally, nor physically at crucial times in my life) but I am comforted by the fact that God is my eternal Heavenly Father.

God bless you,
Sarah

Chain-Smoking, Atheists and Machiavelli, Oh My!

Fervent prayer and two teaspoons of Benadryl (not sure of the spelling but is a cough medicine that should put one to sleep), I am totally restless and unable to fall asleep. Even though it's exactly two am in the morning I awoke earlier talking in my sleep. I have to say that yesterday was one of my best days (Thank you all for your prayers and I pray that God will richly bless you as He has in done so in my life), and it's too bad that I can't sleep now. I was tossing and turning and I wasn't as strong as I thought. My mind was troubled, anxious and worried.

I woke up and did my assigned readings for my political theory class and found them to be quite interesting albeit Machiavelli's Prince being diabolically opposed to "Thou shalt not kill". Regardless and my mom and I prayed in the morning the tutorial went better than expected and with the Holy Spirit in and upon me, I flourished and shone bright and participated with excellence. God's favor shone through as my contribution to the class discussion had my TA (Teacher's Assistant)come up to me after class to tell me that quote "you had good questions...you belong to Grad school" (referring to Graduate studies beyond that of the undergraduate studies that I am currently enrolled in) and that if I ever needed help that he would help me with the application! Wow! Praise God! That was a God moment right there because I had been praying for guidance as to what I should do after undergrad, although pursuing graduate studies in Political Science had not crossed my mind (maybe Sociology instead).

But this is the huge issue I have. There is a cute guy who I can really connect with in my class who had been pursuing me and I have resisted as much as I could. I thought I was just an option to him and thought nothing too serious of his flirting, but yesterday it became apparent to me that he was falling for me. He cleared the waters about not in the least being interested in anyone else and he stayed with me to meet my friend for the whole hour when he had an essay that was due he had to work on. I mean I didn't know he would stay and all his friends give all too clear sign that he will seriously ask me out. Then I thought woah... sure I like the guy but he smokes like every few minutes in my face and in front of my other friend and sometimes even in non-smoking places. I know, I should've told him but I didn't want to be rude. This is the same guy that strongly does not believe in God but honestly that and smoking is really turning me off.

After discussing things with my family we thought it best to confront the issue head on, especially before he himself brings up the issue. I am quite bad when it comes to relationships so I needed a lot of analysis and instruction. We prayed about it but since I have to do this in person, I have to wait until the middle of next week until I see him. Sometimes I want to get things over with because I don't want to be consumed by this like I am now. I don't know why I can't just let it go and sleep. It constantly bombards my mind. I don't enjoy confronting at all and it's keeping me up all morning. I need your prayers and I need God to help me even in this area and I need to sleep!

Warnings in a Dream

I awoke today recalling a most disturbing dream. I was present with peers and other well known public figures while we experiences a series of disastrous events including but not limited to; tsnuamis, brim and hailstones and fire from above. Everything started out as normal and within moments everything changed. Darkness loomed and people were going crazy. Some were dying. The comforting part is that even though I saw bombs going off to my left and right and fire from above and the sea rising as it covered the sun before it crashed down on the people, it did not touch or effect me. There is much more but I will not go into too much detail as this should suffice for now.

So today I experiences two emotional traumas already. I am beyond depressed. It is only through God right now whom I literally cried out to while on the floor for hours mourning. It is only after I spoke or rather sang in Tongues that I felt supernatural strength to even go on amidst temptations and lies of the enemy who tried to convince me to do unspeakable things at my weakest moment. I don't recall at time ever in my life feeling this way, this low, this helpless, depressed and overwhelmed; but God is good.

While on the floor as the sun shone through on my hardwood, He directed me to the scriptures on the wall that I wrote a long while back. It was the one that said:

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze~ Isaiah 43:2

This verse basically described what happened in my dream. It was a warning for what I was to experience. My head is pounding right now with a migraine because of the shock and realization of it all. I am still healing from an ankle injury. I won't reveal details at this time but once I pass through these times in the valley I will tell you guys more, but until then I want to say He does give You supernatural strength and comfort and even joy in the midst of it all. He is the true comforter and the lover of my soul whom I will praise in the valley.

I was tempted to run to other things (alcohol, food, and other useless things), but thank God that I ran to Him and He is now holding me. You have the choice to run to Him to.

I Have Wasted My Thinking

Dear Heavenly Father,

I come to Thee in Jesus Name. The past couple of days have been painful and uncomfortable all physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. Thank You for this intervention. I needed it. You really do hear me when I ask that You save me from myself. As I told You these past few days I have had hidden idols in my heart without even really knowing that I did. I thought it was normal. I thought obsession was love. But that's not love at all. After watching the 2002 version of the movie Obsessed I was convinced of the argument that my sister made towards me. I was totally just obsessed about anything I put my mind to it basically. I knew no limits in my mind. Obsession I learned is a symptom of love addiction. I also researched some more and found that I was a co-dependent person, and that I was also addicted to food and romance. Sure one thinks that most girls have this and that it's normal, but to me it's not normal, but a destructive curse that I bring upon myself. It really kills the soul, and everything I am. No wonder I went through the experiences that I did. Even now looking at how I react or rather respond obsessively and seemingly innocently but quite rapidly to even pop sensations like Justin Beiber or it could be a particular TV series, facebook, anything really. I just place it so easily in the spot where only God belongs. This has been a problem since my early childhood and only God can really help me but I am seeking Christian counseling.
In Jesus Name I pray,
amen

Dream

Dear Heavenly Father, I come to You in Jesus precious name. Without ceasing I had told myself to write the dream I had down even in my dream and even in my sleep until finally I awoke at what seems to be a decent enough time since light and sun are to be seen outside my window. I will dive right in. There are already bits and parts I have already forgotten. Surely I saw that there was a group of people chosen for a prestigious position. There was only one row of computers with red computer chairs facing a lecturer. When night a guy who looked to be a white male and I were running in the dark. It seemed like I was back home in Galle at my grandmother's place when this happened. But every time I would see a snake which looked to be gray in colour and slithering on the ground I would freak out and turn back. Soon I saw that others despite there being snakes and despite them being afraid were pressing on forward. I was told to not be afraid since this was holding me back (spiritually and even in my career for instance since everything at the end of the day is spiritual). The very next hour or so after I was quite tired from the run we did we were back in the classroom except now there was a long sort of hardwood bowling alley going upwards into the height of the room. Then before I knew it I was running with the rest of the crowd to secure a spot for me in one of those computers chairs as I ran up and then came back I was surprised that I was the first one back and as I was sliding down on my back past the finish line I saw the same white male stand out from the background as he came in second behind the mob of people. But I was also pointing upwards to You God saying thank You Jesus! I was happy. That's all I remember.

Surely I know that You will give the interpretation of that dream for I request it if indeed this was a dream from You because I was woken up in the middle of the night. Not sure if this was related to demonic activity as a result of occult activity. But I was seriously considering this thought as my mom shrieked only minutes after from what appeared to be a nightmare. She seemed to be terrified but I have yet to ask her since she is a floor down from me. I immediately prayed and then things appeared to go back to normal. I definitely felt a powerful darkness heavy near me but then at the name of Jesus it had to flee. Thank You Lord! Further, last night my sister after the whole day of having a shower, really getting ready (make up and all), and walking on crutches downtown at the Eaton Center and even near Lake Ontario for crying out loud she didn't really appreciate it in the measure that was justified. This was because she basically said or warned me rather not to get emotionally attached to her crush. I was a little offended yes, but I am glad someone is keeping me in check with my extremity of emotion that's my blind spot and true weakness. She even asked em not to seem so competitive with my potential dates because I will end up being like mom who is always done better than my father but she is suffering a poor standard of living and quality of life because of him most of the time. I just feel not good enough, or smart enough God when I am talking with these seemingly successful people. And I know that there are seeking someone successful who can actually carry out a conversation within their social circles and not just someone that doesn't fit in. Help me Lord and clarify this. I want to certainly be more informed, more politically involved as well as more academically involved but my sister has a point in saying that he is the guy so he must be more experienced with travel, politics, and even literature than I am ( which I am not used to) and something I don't feel comfortable with. I actually found myself painting a picture of myself that was sort of exaggerating the reality in order to impress the other male party. Help me Lord.In Jesus name I pray, amen.

Love,
Your Sarah.

Speaking Tongues

Dear Heavenly Father, I come to Thee in Jesus Name. Yesterday I was just wasting away before You rescued me. Specifically I was engaging in self-destructive habits both in thought and action. Finally by Your grace I lay on the floor and worshiped Thee. I honestly spoke to You and after I had confessed my transgressions against You I felt Your peace and forgiveness. I asked You truly about the whole deal with speaking in Tongues. I mean even though I spoke it on Pentecost Sunday a year or two ago and even though everyone around me in my church speaks it, I had my doubts about it and it was completely hindering my faith. Then all of a sudden I was reminded about all my experiences where the Holy Spirit whether in tongues or not had helped me. In my darkest hour I can say it was Him who gave me power, and Tongues certainly edified me and others all around me. I was kind of spooked out by what I had already accepted in faith earlier. God immediately lead me to this website. Diclaimer: Please ask God for any and all theological questions you have and He is faithful to answer if you are truly open to Him. For me, He answered in a way that speaks to me so it may be different for you. But the website is: http://www.tbm.org/tongues.htm

Also after I spoke, rather sang in Tongues yesterday ( which I need to look into singing in Tongues in scripture since I am sick and tired and annoyed really about the demonic attacks I've encountered by opening myself up to what I thought was the Holy Spirit but that's another post). I felt so strengthened and alive and I had hope in my heart! I spoke with my mom, my sister, and I even got the desire to do some school work. Praise God! Today I was reminded when I woke up how the day before when I ordered a beer at the restaurant, the waitress was so mad at me. She even asked for ID. That meant that she thought I was below 19! Yeah! Even thought I'm a couple of years older than that. Also last night my food started to hurt again. Today my sister has a date on which I am accompanying her and getting ready will be so hard and laborious! Lord help me! Also I am concerned about walking about on my foot, especially on Monday for work. I really need to be able to walk a few days before Monday because I don't think I will be comfortable walking Monday and putting such pressure and strain on my foot right away. *sigh. God I don't know what to do except lean on You and give my anxieties to You to work through according to Your will. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

Sister- Sister

I come to Abba Almighty in Jesus Name.

I have to thank Thee for the immensely close bonding time I had with my sister. I don't think we've had a greater more honest conversation full of confessions, emotion of controlled anger and disappointment but also great laughter. To keep this post simple I basically revealed to her how a younger male whom she apparently liked very much and who liked my sister a lot was flirting with me a lot. I had kept it hidden from her but I openly confessed that to You and my mother. I was reeled in by his charm but of course he was trying to get closer to my sister through me but I will still never know what his heart was. While we were waiting for hours on end together in the Emergency room, we were so bored that we had only each other to talk to. I knew deep down inside that You wanted us to talk about something and sure enough it surprisingly all came out and at the right time I guess. I am worried about how she will handle this with him but I know that I was responsible and I owe it to her to be honest. It was a delusional time in my life and I thank God for delivering me out from that situation. Now she understands why I don't like him, although I do not know exactly whom she is blaming more ( me or him). In any case we still had peace although she mentioned that she doesn't trust me anymore which is fair enough. I told her many times how I don't trust her in certain areas as well. I pray Your will be done in Jesus Name.

So later we went out to eat at a restaurant. I in my crutches went reluctantly to eat with my sister. We talked about a lot of things! I even had a glass of bear. This has been one eventful day. Just when we think we have nothing to talk about. Moments after comes the "river" ( whom my sister is seeing face to face for the first time since I had a major crush on him last fall) with another girl. My sister was freaking out! She was basically asking the question why her? But later concluded that this may be his preference or liking. We had a great time chatting about how to make myself known to him ( i.e. going to the washroom or my sister yelling my name out loud deliberately within a conversation, etc). She was excited but inside I felt a quiet peace. It was like I knew this all along and this was confirmation. I knew the girl from a while back and from his pictures. He didn't see me yet. Later when they left earlier than they had arrived, he saw me as he was leaving since they only sat a few rows from us. It could not have been an accident at all. No way. This was only orchestrated by God. It was a pleasant surprise to see him regardless and it's great that we had been texting each other only two days ago so it's not that awkward. In any case the girl walked out while he had the most priceless stunned look on his face. He was quick to observe. I held my cup of Heineken beer in my hand and sipped it while he noticed the bottled and made no comment. He is naturally observant and then he noticed my crutches, my ribs on the plate and then my sister. He hastily rushed off saying that he has to get back to school to finish an essay.

Thank You Lord that my sister and I had a great time and even over the phone mom, my sis and I had a great conversation about the whole ordeal. Even when we came home we had a hunch that my dad and mom ( according to my sister who is quick to smell and pick up these things) were up to some funny monkey business if you know what I mean. But You know what praise You God!!! I mean here was my family on the break of separation and hostility while You brought my mom and dad together through my mom's surgery and him actually spending the night with her in the same room out of necessity ( which has proved to be quite a romantic sequence of events) and surprisingly me and sis are getting along like never before. Sure there are ups and downs but even through this time of struggle, confusion and doubt God is so good to us. I don't understand it but I love Him for it! His goodness is far better than anything else. I worship You Lord. Thanks again for answering our tiny but significant prayers even regarding my sister's interest "kuitar". May that go well. In Jesus Name I pray, amen.

Your Face Lord I will Seek!

I come to the Alpha and the Omega in Jesus Name.

Looking back last night I could not believe who I was and what I had done. Don't worry, it's nothing too serious but to me it was such a traumatizing experience. To set things up a bit here it was Sunday and I only fed myself spiritually early in the morning by reading the Bible. I didn't pray nor really enter into the presence of God. One could say an inner turmoil was brewing. Certainly this inner turmoil bubbled over in my actions. I have come to believe now that the atheist's comments were spiritual attacks since I have been struggling with doubt whether consciously or unconsciously. A red flag probably would have been me spending hours on a site that provided dating advice on Youtube and I commented on videos praising the host whom I did not even know! This has also happened once early last year as well where I was almost worshiping others ( celebrities at the time) since I wasn't truly worshiping God in my heart. Funny enough I was really sick at that time like I am now. God must be trying to tell me something. This is such a humbling experience.

My heart was so deceptive and I in self-deception kept on going with this mindset when things turned ugly. I was so desperate for love and longing that I turned to God only to lash out at Him in anger for not providing me favor with eligible men or dates. I took matters into my own hands and went on Christian dating sites. Some were quite harmless at first but then I left feeling quite bruised in my soul. I had regrettably once gone on a social networking site and had weirdos and creepers all around. It's never a good idea. But this was a while back. But now as total strangers were talking to me I was naive enough to believe hey they may be saying that I'm beautiful just for me and they may really look like they do on the picture. I mean I was so blinded by my own thinking it was scary.

Before this whole incident which I won't give energy towards the details about were in the end a shocking and eye opening experience to reality. Most of the guys on there even though it was a Christian site were complete jerks and others overly flattering. I learned a lot about myself however some good and some bad. It turned out in particular conversation that will probably stay with me for life. I mean words are powerful even through interface. A male basically noticed how I was constantly flattering him. Even I was surprised. He couldn't get a word in and I didn't even know this guy but I was constantly sending praises to him like a god. It was disgusting and I had asked the Lord to forgive me as I do now in Jesus Name. In the end he basically told me what I needed to hear:".. I think you're flattering me". They smelled my desperation and it was the most unattractive thing I could do. Then I tried to be quick witted and try to save myself and say: ".. oh well it's a gift of exhortation only natural lol"... and then he saw right through me and said something to the likes of: "... If I need you to cut the grass or take out the garbage I will let you know. I know girls like you!" I was so shocked but now I am thinking this could be a blessing in disguise to hear the truth about how foolishly I was behaving.

I came to my sister's bedroom after this. I was distraught as I knew I had done the wrong thing and had grieved the Holy Spirit. I had wasted so much time when what I had planned to do ( among my school works and spending more time in His Word) was heed to the still small voice that reminded me of something. I was balling my eyes out and became suddenly and deeply sad, wallowing in self pity. God still spoke to me but I chose to ignore Him. He reminded me of what I told Him really, that every one of my regrets had been at a time where I wasn't close to Him and that every time I was close to Him, that I do not recall any regrets whatsoever since all else was undeserved and He has dealt with me bountifully and has been my Redeemer. My sister was also telling me how I love to go to the extreme with everything, taking things to a whole another level for ill or for worse. She told me it was a choice when I said I can't help it. Then she basically said that I should then turn this towards God and God alone. This extremity of praise, adoration, and worship. This is when I realized I had placed something else in God's place. And this is when I also realized that I want to worship God in this way: with all my heart, mind and soul. And I wouldn't get verbally abused but I would be safe in His arms and in His presence expressing my love to Him. That longing, that strong desperation, only He can fill and make me whole.I immediately took off my profile pictures from these websites and logged off for good.

This morning I was reading Psalms 23 which is a psalm of trust. He reminded me what this blog and the purpose of my life is through these scriptures and many others:

When You said, " See My face," my heart said to You,
" Your face, Lord, I will seek."

Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall
strengthen your heart; Wait, I say on the Lord!

I learned in the commentary in my study Bible NKJV that waiting on the Lord means: "... demonstrate confident expectation. The Hebrew word to wait can also be translated HOPE! To hope in God is to wait for His timing and His action". Wow if that wasn't divine guidance from the Lord into my situation I don't know what is! He even addressed y initial fear by the words in the psalm that state: " The Lord is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear?" Then I went on as usual to read the Proverbs, book 14 to be exact and God in the mercy that is made new each and every morning spoke to me. I will cite a couple here:

The wise woman builds her house,but the foolish pulls it down with *her* hands
( Wow this tells me that I am number one was being foolish yesterday and that I brought down my own house or body with my OWN hands!)

Go from the presence of a foolish man, when you do not perceive in him lips
of knowledge.

There is a way that seems right a man, But its end is the way of death
( commentary states that Only when it's too late does the deluded person discover that he is one the crowded highway to death. The implication is not that he was tricked, but he relied too heavily on his own "wisdom" rather than turning to humility to God)

The backslider in his heart will be filled with his own ways, but a good man
will be satisfied from above

The simple believe every word, but the prudent considers well his steps... The simple inherit folly, but the prudent are crowned with knowledge
( Commentary: A characteristic of a naive person is gullibility. A prudent person is careful)

In the fear of the Lord there is "strong confidence" ( <--- wow that is definitely answering one of my burning questions regarding my low self esteem issue and what the solution is).

He is my confidence. And I love Him with all I am. I love You Lord! Hear me from Heaven and bless all those who read this. Reveal yourself to them as You have done to me. In Jesus Name I pray, amen.

Early in the Morning

Dear Heavenly Father,

I come to Thee in Jesus Name. I certainly ask for Your forgiveness for in reading Your perfect Word I am convicted! Help me to change God. I have to confess. When earlier I used to think of You in the morning I awake and worry and fret and become anxious about vain things. One example is the atheist who had texted me last night and those who didn't text me such as meop and the river who texted but was not intersted. After looking at statements like "... you attract your self worth..." or "... you attract a particular dysfunction ..." on certain websites and blogs I find the truth so painful to hear. It's true however as I examine my life. I am not attracted to great godly men such as meop who probably never had a girlfriend but I attract and am strangely attracted to bad boys who are controlling and addicted to God knows what. Help me God! This seems to be something that is subconsciously ingrained in me. I do not have an inkling of like towards any godly man at the moment nor can I ever recall a lasting one. I know godly men are the best and a great blessing but why is it so hard? There seems to be a disconnect.

And I remember the bondage of being unequally yoked. In Your grace You delivered me from an abusive marriage. Which is now closed legally and I'm praying for it to be spiritually closed which it slowly but surely happening with time and prayer. Even with meop my heart has hardened towards him. I acknowledge that I have a huge problem with lust. It started with a lust for food which You have graciously delivered me from, to a lust in sexual immorality and a product of that is just being so anxious and obsessed around boys. Help me to truly repent and turn away. I do the very thing I hate. This is certainly connected to my past in which I have begun to drink when being rejected and then settling for way less. Since my ankle is is resting I can't even go to church today but even in all my distress I seek You Lord. Have mercy on me. I need You more than I ever needed You before. I admit I have not been diligent in seeking You as before and as a result I feel like I have grieved the Holy Spirit. I haven't even begun on studying for my challenging political philosophy midterm. Dear God, save me from myself! I need godly men around me for as I read in Your word I must choose my friends carefully and have wise and prudent friend as apposed to foolish ones who lack wisdom and understanding. It seems like I am attracting the wrong people. Dear God I need Thee. Every hour I need Thee! In Jesus Name I pray, amen.

Love,
Sarah

Fractured Ankle

I cover each word with the blood of Jesus Christ and I come to God in Jesus Name.

Today was a great day all because of God's goodness towards me. I can't thank Him enough. I woke up with pain in my ankle. It was still swollen. I was crawling on the floor and someitmes I still had to but my dad got me a set of crutches. I went to the hospital with my sister in whom I saw a rare side to her, one that encompassed caring and demonstrating affection and servanthood. But yes everyone was so nice to me and liked me for no apparent reason. They were quite rude to others. There were men and women alike who went out of their way to help us. After my x-ray the doctor said that nothing was broken (thank God) but that I had a fracture. I actually got a week off to rest. Further I had a consistent and light hearted text conversation with a male I will call the river. I have spoke of him before but today's conversation was different. Although the male I like in my church named meop had not answered his texts at all. I was saddened. To contextualize he like me and asked me out on a date but I for a reason I cannot justify at the moment I said no. So rightly he is guarding his heart and seems to have moved on. My sister prayed for me and I for her yesterday regarding boy matters.

Further I am currently watching the G20 protests. I had to make a lot of cancellations with future plans. I feel as if I have to just stay home and do my readings and the fun of being carried and cared for and getting attention is wearing thin and reality of the injury called an acute inversion is setting in. Sometimes I find that when I am home I develop a great deal of depression symptoms and or I get so lazy and waste the time the Lord gives me. I also learned from my sister that I apparently don't have "game"... I see what she means because I loose my cool when I even see a stranger whom I like. One example out of many even during this day was when I saw a male nurse or doctor watching the game as I was rolled on the weirdest wheelchair I have ever seen. This was paid for by a stranger by the way and it looked like a shopping cart made into a wheel-chair. Some would wonder why one has to pay for it but seriously it was metal and was rusting too! In any case the strong, tall, fit, and smart official took his eyes off the screen and looked at me and smiled and I was so embarrassed that I looked about and even acted in a childlike manner as I looked up at the screen as my sister rolled the cart by. I lost my cool. Even with texting the river the momentum ended with a dreaded singe text "lol" by him sent to me with no follow up text. I really need help in the guys department. Sometimes I feel like my sister may be giving me false hope by saying that the reason meop is avoiding or keeping his distance because he still has feelings for me and doesn't want to like me again since I completely broke his heart. There seems to be no hope in this situation to me. I am totally leaning on God. I have to. All I know is He has someone special just for me and vice versa. Also why do people keep asking me if I'm in a relationship? I haven't been since that dark time in my life. Egypt which God delivered me from. That's a whole another post, rather a book in itself. God be with me. You are my Great Comforter.

In Jesus Name I pray and ask.
Your daughter,
Sarah

God Works In Mysterious Ways

Dear Heavenly Father, I come to Thee in Jesus Name. Where do I begin. I thank You and I praise You. Even the few people who are following my blog is such a blessing! I honestly never even dreamed of anyone following anything I write but I know everything that is prompted and inspired by Your Spirit is powerful! Today You have surprised me. There was a BBQ held at my church today and I came ready to play sports mainly basketball. As always I was the only girl and I was ready to show off the boys but as soon as I got the ball I felt searing pain in my right ankle as I twisted it and fell to the ground. I lay there not knowing what happened but in paralyzing pain. Everyone stopped playing and asked if I was okay. The pastor and the leaders helped me up and gave me a shoulder each to lean on as I hopped to the tables and chairs that were set up. Placing freezies as a substitute for ice packs. In any case now I realize that my weak faith yesterday was slowly becoming stronger and stronger as the night went on. And leaning on my brothers and sisters in Christ was an incredibly accurate allegory of what I was experiencing in my faith.. but more precisely how I was leaning on You for strength. When I look back this was such a blessing in disguise. I was forced to sit down and stay in one place listening to people as all who passed cared and inquired about me even people that did not know me. Then I was surrounded by some of my lovely sisters in Christ as they cared for me and were my support. They are both in a relationship or married and they even inquired about how things are with me and honestly even woman that was married or in a relationship came by and asked me if I was in a relationship. I told them about the atheist dude who pursued me. Then we all supported one another and bonded as we listened to a friend open up about a very dark time in her life and it literally made my friend and I sick. But we were there to support one another and we knew God was working. They spoke such life into me. Saying things like any guy would be so blessed to get you because you're so sweet and how it's important to be friends first before entering into a relationship and how to even consider what the right time is even with the right person. There is so much I could say but I mean everyone was helping me and caring for me and loving me. Even my sister got me food and followed me home when God gave me the grace to drive home. One pastor even drove my car to the church doors and another leader actually carried me to my car and another little brother also a leader in the church group helped me into my car and closed the door as he said take care. I mean I felt Your love touch me!

I even had many divine appointments such as another dude who also desires to be a lawyer talk to me at length about politics, law and spiritual warfare which was a popular topic for the night as well as defending the faith; apologetics. There was also a man whom had a liking to me and who asked me out and whom at that time I declined for many reasons although it still haunts me to this day since he has a huge wall up understandably after all these years but we both seems to have a soft spot for each other. In any case we both got to talk a little bit but not as much as I would have liked to. Oh well I'm giving it to God. Also in the morning today after reading the Psalms and Proverbs I just wanted to go outside for a walk. I went all the way down to the lake. Maybe that's why my foot was increasingly vulnerable because of the two hour walk that I had in the morning down to the lake and back. I prayed to You all the way there. I increasingly felt attacked in my mind and the atheist dude kept coming in my head. I prayed for him to be saved. Then You reminded me about how anxious I was about the whole thing and how worry offends You and how I was worshiping this situation as an idol in my heart. I was convicted but I didn't know how to break free. Today with Your love You broke me free. Your love is a stronger love extended through Your body, my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. As I listened to Your Word on my i-phone on my way back I was immensely comforted. Your Word was a warm blanket and was sweet and satisfying. It is perfect. It was Psalms 23. Sure my ankle is still sprained but God You have a reason for everything and You have turned this situation around to bring good out from it. Like my older brother in Christ carrying me through the doors to my destination it is You that carry me through this journey of life. Thank you for all those who have prayed for me. Thank You God for restoring faith, new life and hope into me. In Jesus Name I pray, amen.

Confession before the King

Dear Heavenly Father, I come to You in Jesus Name.... irrespective of any who sees this ( thank you for the first follower of my blog... I had no idea anyone would even condier following this blog... praise God.. it really blessed me... had a rough day... anywho.. let em continue... I must come to You and be honest... this is honestly how I love to communicate with You and really write out what I feel... I haven;t written to You via this blog because I have actually been writing to You in my journal and You have answered in ways that I find difficult to capture with mere words. I will get straight to it... today morning I saw parts of the Florida Lakeland Revival on Youtube and I was thrilled! Then I found out that the whole thing was a scam and actually quite demonic! I was so dissapointed inside of me. What I thought was uplifting and from You was not. It's funny I was writing to You the other day and askign You to bring up any unconfessed sin that has offended You and sure enough You did... sometimes I am guilty of the whole charismatic and emotional thing and what I think is godly is actualy demonic. Forgive me Lord. Now I know that even what I think is good and even anyone who pops up confessing that they know You and even if they are doing healings I really have to test them and come out of that simple or naive mentally and be prudent. I had a tutorial so I quickly got ready and headed off the class. I knew I was going to see a certain boy there, older than me by a year who was in my class. Just yesterday I felt that he was havign difficulty hiding how he felt about me. This was confirmed later. I even spoke to You about this and I even said I hope he doesn't ask me out... I went to class and he was there just starring at me and then we sat together again.... I continued with the topic that we had begun yesterday and he suggested that we meet after class for half an hour to discuss it... I was reluctatnt and I said I have to get ready for work and have a shower and he said that I already look nice... first hint.. then I felt him starring at me and what I wrote... every time I write glory to God on the my notes he reads it... and then even as the TA came he was still trying to talk to me... it was established that we were going to meet... I was freaking out inside! This guys was an avid smoker... sure he wanted to be lawyer and he wasn't dumb or bad looking, he was not tall but the exact same height as me... but he wasn't afraid to talk... but yes class resumed but before then I was just getting to tell him about what I beelive the highest good is since we were studyign Plato and the allegory of the caves the form of forms... the highest form... and I asked him.. do you really want to know,... and with all seriosness he looked into my eyes and said yes... like he really wanted to know what my identity is... but yes after tutorial finished he and I were talking and walking and on the way we met a couple of my firends.. especially a close friend who is also not a believer... we hugged and then I guess he coveted that and you will see later why... I was actally surprised at how calm I was... not sure.. I mean I did pray secretly since I had no space time or anything to pray out loud or even write lest he see that I am praying about us... anywho we go outside and we start talking and even while talking he lookes at me and takes a piece of something out of my hair... already I was touched... I knew this was a date in disguise... and not just some converstaion... and when I was about to tell him what love is to me... I said he would think I'm crazy or laugh at me... but he got all serious again and assured me that he wont... which I liked when someone took me seriosuly.. as soon as I mentioned JESUS he put his head back and almost laughed and sighed with dissapointment... I too was dissapointed to fidn out that he did not beleive in God at all! ... But yes throughout hte time he touched me on my back and arm ... even I had the urge to touch his arm... but I didn't... we were talking and even arguing at times... and he would reveal a lot about himself such as being extra senstitive... his dad and not havign the greatest dad... that he was Scottisha and drinking and being mean to his mom but now taking care of her... but I also gave him something about me.. which I was surprised about such as my earlier drinking habits or rahter dangerous levels of drinking... but I did say how God brought me through that to the pint where I have no desire to even drink anymore because He satisfied me.. we both agreed on all is vanity but diagreed on the solutions or apporaches to life... and even in the middle of the conversation he went to a guy that was there and asked for a cigarrette... and he said.. stay... don't go.. and even hearing those words.. made me feel wanted and I ate it up so to speak.. but yes I felt convicted later for not guarding my heart you will see why because I delved in almost accidentaly for the purpose of makign a point into sex and love... it turned me off that he considered making love as just bs and just thinks it's sex without intimacy... like what animals do... anywho... even when he smoked he was so honest with me and said I didn't have money so this is the first cigarrette of the day... and he stood in front of me instead of beside me and came close to me as we openly said that we disagree with each other... and when I looked to him I strangely felt attracted to him... he even touche dmy back like I said after... and I felt something... liek a chill go down my spine almost.. then there was another brown girl that passed us by and he looked her way... and I was reminded of how I was looked at by him while he was speaking to another girl... but yes we continued.. and oh before I forget somehow we talkekd abotu em accidentally lying and he totally took that seriously ... he said do NOT lie to me.. ok? I said ok... otherwise I will be pissed... hmmm... and then... he dropped another hint I guess... he was talking about hte brain... and he said that he has a connector on the side of his brain just for the times he talked to me... meet me.. how he thinks about me... and then later he even said when we were talking about love that he said he just cares for people or doesn't ... he said I might like somebody but not care for them.. like he was saying I would like a girl .. and then changed his words and said I may not even like the girl but even though I text or call them doesn't mean I care abotu them... so almost to defend himself or even usuingthis as another way of saying how he may feel about me... but yes.. I was kind of just feeling like my energy was being sucked out.. I felt rotten... I felt guity.. and I felt weak.. liek the words he said abotu choosing the weaker side and so on and son.. and the half an hour turned to an hour... and yea just he placed so many seeds of doubt in me that once I was done I was just running real low on faith.... but yes he expressed to me things about sadness about his neaighbour dying and how he would drink... and even how a friend of his was talkign about Christianity and attednign Bible study in the recent weeks which he attended only to argue and debunk what everyone believes... he asked really good questions mind you.. but I had no experience dealign with atheisits... he was very strong about his views... but before I had to go I was just wlaking assuming he would walk with me.. then he said you're just going to walk and not give me a hug.. I gave a hug... and then I don;t know what happened ... but we hugged again but this time he held me... like we hugged for a while and let go... and then we walked out seperate ways... and then he just said bye after that.. after I said I will see you next week.. and then he didn't even text or call me.. figures... but walking back to my car.. already running low on time.. I felt HORIRBLE... like I felt dirty... like I had displeased You.. and I honestly loved that feeling of being held and I honestly enjoyed that hug... even hugging I almost closed my eyes and forgot about all my worries... I wonder what he's thinking.. I mean if this is the end of it... I guess it's the blessing of good bye but I'm concerned with my own heart because it's almost like I'm thinking and fantasizing and replaying this all in my head and especially going to work where focus is ESSENTIAL was super difficult.. I need Your grace Lord... I need Your mercy.. and most of all Your forgiveness... I had been asking You for forgiveness all day it feels like because even when I talked to my mom wo was at the hospital after a hysterectomy .. she told me the bad news of a light fever and her having to maybe extend her stay in the hospital... I relaly do miss her... I told her what I told You and she comforted me... I felt better about it and even my co workers comforted me... and were rather excited for me... but I really don't know now that I'm totally getting attached to this guy... I don't know what to do.. especially since he is in my class... and that he knows I'm Christian... so I gotta behave and represent You... oh man... I just pray Your will to be done and for meto be blameless before You as always through Jesus which is made possible but also blamss before man and especially blameless before this particular guy or man... I even have these feelings of wanting to be held by him again and even to kiss him... and this is just one dude who asked me ... why am I likethis... his father is the devil so to speak since he is not a child of God... nor even desire to be... I prayed for him... but oh man.. it's all red flags here... I need to be delivered.. Iknow I put myself in this mess by being too friendly to him.. and leading him on.. even tough I did try my best not to even talk to him and stay aaway from him but he came closer to me ... oh which reminds me.. he even hinted and said that he goes out of his way to show that he cares about someone.. liek me.. well that was weeks back since he would walk to meet up with me even leaving all his smoking buddies and then to offer to even walk me.. and then even to some sit next to me wven though he was sitting a section away or a row away... I mean it seems like everyone in the class sees us together always... yikes.. but I wonder how the dynamics woudl change in the weeks to come.. especially since there is reading week.. thanks GOD!!! phew... i wouldn't know what to do otherwise.. but good experience I guess.. I have never relaly hugged a guy like that.. I mean I felt chills down my spine.. it was almost too intimate.. and things were relaly heating up... but that could just be my side ... he even talked about havign a wife and children in the begginning so ... I guess he was at least half- decent in his intentions... only YOu know.. but I almost felt hindered by him.. reminded me of my exes.. why am I always attraced to ungodly men... well.. I am attracted tot eh godly men.... except not too much physically.. and to be honest.. sometimes their personality is meh or even the chemistry is not there... or we're just forcign it... or yea.. just weird... when this was quite easy and comfrotable almost.. I also learned that I need to brush up on what I beleive and more so how to clearly express it... even the passion factor isn't there .. .. I know I know.. its' fleshly and won't last.. but yea... anywho.. I did feel gulty abotu brining on the stress yesteday with mom and my sister and even telling her even though it was overhleming.. and I am still stuck on teh whle toungues thing.. I mean is it demonic/?? Is the whole charismati and prophetic thing weird... I mean why is everyone gettng divorced? It seems like a weird time to live... yesterday was an earthquake which I felt and then they said a local neighbourhood high achool was diliberately burned down by someone ... and then people get shot.. and then explosives found near the g20 summit site... I mean it's crazy... even the whole deception thing.. even decevign my own heartt with this guy thing.. ahhh it's like i lost You... I don't feel as close to You anymore.. even withing a span of a day... I don;t feel Your presence.. as strongly as beofre.. and if I do.. I'm now like okay is this demonic... it's hard Lord... do help me out.. do have mercy on me... I know he is a fool not to believe in You... oh mannnn why do I always fall for the fool... I do the very thing I hate.. adnd even spending alone time with him.. was something I was SO against.. but being extreme and uncomprimising is so hard no awadays and so easy to fall into... I take pesonal responsibilitty Lord.. I need HELP!!! I pray in Jesus Name, amen.

I repent! Frogive me !!

I come to God in Jesus Name.. Forgive me.. I have done an unholy thing yet again.. I feel as if I was ombarded with it today.. whether it was my co -worker feeding that into me or whether she was flipping through images taht are ungodt by accident ... Lord Jesus thank you for taking her away ... I see why now... God.. I am so ashamed.. and I ask You for Your forgivenes and Holy Spirit forgiveness.. I can't take it back and I didn't think ti through... I really didn't... and I pray that You will pardon me andwill cover me with the blood of Jesus Christ... I don't know why.. was it them.. I know tiwas a personal decision.. i felt pressure .. and i guess I was impatitent.. God.. I was needy adn desperate adn I ddn't trust You.. I had no control... I lost intimacy woith You it was just flesh , flesh adn more flesh.. and now all unseen circumstances I pray Thee have mercy on me.. I want to know why I'm like this... acceptance.. adn then in my house I feel the pornea or sexual immorality spirit more than You... serioiusy.. and I also feel weird around my dad... like SUPER werid if You know what I mean... AGHHHH !! Pleasse free me from this and myself... I need You.. I think the pressure, eating and all of that needed a release.. but I know it was the wrong kind.. forgive me for my sin God I pray in Jesus Name, amen... and ughh I dodn't want to disquaitfy mustl which is why I do NOT like to take leadership positions anywhere.. especially Chrisitan ones.. Lord help me..

Article Info....

One of his must-haves is physical attraction. "There used to be, in one of the formulas used at weddings, a wonderful sentence that was said by each spouse in turn: 'With my body, I thee worship.' If you feel no physical attraction to him, don't marry him!"

He urges women to ask: "Has your love grown since you became serious about one another?" "Do you see in this person the qualities you want in your children?" "Do you love each other with equal intensity and are you sure your love is not one-sided?"

If your boyfriend has cold feet, "Never put yourself in the position of trying to persuade him to marry you. No good can come of that," he writes. "It's important to pay attention to those actions that convey a lack of commitment on his part."

Also, think twice about the "fun or quirky proposals," like eloping to Vegas "on a whim." Father Pat urges women to "think about it. The decision to get married will affect your entire life. Do you really want to enter into something so casually?"

What is this???

I come to my Heabenly Father God Almighty in Jesus Name and I cover each word I speak, my family and I our house, our neighbourhood, every neighbour and electronic device with the blood of Jesus Christ and I command all unclean spirit to leave now in Jesus Name for the blood of Jesus is against You. Amen. Ohhh my gosh! God I can't sleep until I tell You. No one else... everyone is soo quiet my mom and sis... thye're not saying anything.. I jsut come to You and You know that even though I painted my night as bad.. t really wasn't that bad.. it's just I was dissapointed,k angry, confused, hopeful, dleighted, ansxious pissed off all at one time!! I don't even know if it\s the sugar cookies which I regret eating.. but I'm sure tonight was also emotional eating but not sure why... I still felt the same kind of disgust with this one person... I reallly don't think he deserves that at all.. but oh man I'm so angry at hum.. I guess for not really asking em out and treating it as if whatever.. like all the other dude... I don't know why I'm judging him and letting the HOT river get away with it.. I guess for some reason he layed off... and oh man like I don't even know if its' regret or WHAT it is because I am just BLAZING through this keyboard typeing SUPER fast and I cna't evenn graaspp everything except the fact htat apart from teh river I don't see anyone in my life right now... and I feel like.... okay in one end I guess I'm desperate?? not sure... like one end thank God I hae feelings towards someone but they seem so far out of freach and I wonder if these feeligns are artificial and then I look on their profile and lo and behold girls girls girls... GIRLS GIRLS and more GIRls.. and they are Christian smart and HOTTEr than ever... and may come with their own set of problems but I miss their attetion... and even if this forest gave me attention and not anymore I miss it... I misss the cradle's attention ... now I feel like I've got none... and ughhh I feel my beauty is wasted/?? I don't KNOW how I feel.. except I have work tomorrow and I didn't really have the best night tonight surrounded by OLDIES... sigh and I ate too much and I've got a 35% midterm... that I need help for,.. when is it ever that I go tot an event and not even expend much energy and get SOO bummed and dissapointed when I come home loosign the initmacy and feeeling 10000 times worse not better... I mean thank You that the forest closed the door and made things easier for me phew! I want my dream guy... not I'm having a nightmare please wake me up.. ughhh why do I feel this lust?? sinful beahviour towards one person ... or NONe at all.. why do I feel so lonely.. why do I feel like I've lost intimacy with You the perefect one... Yes God I need Your peace... I surrent to You... God I'm having such troble in the relationships department.. esp ially guys and I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo thankfl for the rvelation of chilling versus datigng and I wish I knew then what I know now through Yor revelation.. it hurts... and also the change and waiting is hard... break throgh.. no more words to say.. read my heart and thoughts... my love nad my God... ( Ps Lord I thank You for "rover" whom You have placed in my life.. I pray that you will give hm a desier for me and anf a desire for me as You draw him closer to You. He may be going througha storm You sent so that He may seek You and God I pray that I will have a place in his heart that no other maiden can quench. In Jesus Name I ask You in all faith. And if You have somone better for me.. please let them step into my life so that the river will be jealous and so will my future husband of the river as well fighting for em.. but in the end the one You choose.. God I want some adventure with You... I want to stay pure in Your sense of the word pure not just physicaly... hep me.. I need encouragement.. I need something to hold on to.. a vision of Your promise... please give it to me... I fell so alone.. Jesus I need You to break through right now JESUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS You know You'll always be my love.. perfect and HOT !! holy and beautoful! You are perfect You kow that I love You... In Jesus Name I ask and pray, Amen.

Sausages

I come to God in Jesus Name and I cover every word with the blood of Jesus Christ amen. Oh man I vowed never to eat another sausage but when I got home from work I chewed down at least five to seven of them with white rice which I vowed never to eat again..... why? Sure I was hungy and wanted sht fast but I thin kthis was emotional eating... because just before I left work I felt super guilty... like I don't now how to handle the situation of telling my workplace that I dropped some courses so I'm available in their eyes to put me to work but I want a summer and I don't want to burn out... and I dont want to see my friend hurt and everyone yell at me for deeption... but my mo says they shouldn't haev any business knwing either and I don't want to work extra hours anaywa but sice we're short staffed it's taking away from my friend's summer... and not tthat she would do the same for me.. but God I want to do what's right in Your eyes... I don't want to shame me or birng a bad rep because I'm representing You.. and I think that stress hit me hard and hence the white rice and SEVEN sausages late at night.... sigh.. help me find a soution I need Your wisdsom and guidance. Thank You. In Jesus Name I ask and pray, amen...Forgive me for gluttony, idolatry and all that Lord.. I should have come to You first before eating anything....

Jesus is Above My Self Deception

Wow.. God blew me away in an amazing way that is!!! I have to worship Him because He is soo gooddd!! He always is and He heard my prayer. and jsut now even though I was talking on the pehone with a spiritual sister.. i kept blaming the i-phone for my mistakes which is not even a true cause... it was a lie... even such a lie... that I didn't even correct... and it crept in and actually ruined the communication... but yes I cover all these words iwth the blood of Jesus and I come only in the Name of Jesus. But yea I asked You for forgiveness of it but eve small things I let go under my radar so easily... sin.. but yes You forgive me... I know.. because even if I fail You still love me... because I know yesterday You gave me such PEACE and such FAVOR and such INTELEECT to do what I need to do on the test.. for instance on my test I got an essay question that I did study on.... and even before class someone approached me to befriend... and I met people form previous instances and we talked... and what I listenend to God as He answered about law from two going to be lawyers in teh same day.. now that's God... and then God continued to work marvelously by giving me favor with strangers.. who came and talked to me... about the test about directions etc and then from friends I knew from before we entered into a discussion about God and Jesus and this is how I received hte ine.. Jesus is above my self deception... and I told them this energy is is the Holy Spirit... and the eloquence in explainng things was certainly Godwho answered so swiftly... it was You... and I told them it is You lol Id like to be more straightforward... and truthful and bold in witnessing... may the people I wittness to ... may their blindless be removed in Jesus Name... may they hear and understand... in Jesus Name I ask amen. And yea this guy is a yougn to be sciency kid engineer ish and mt friend she sadi that she has never heard him talk abotu God... we agreed about not worshipping Mary but he had more questions for me some I couldn't answer lol God help me in Jesus Name to have the answers for him. In Jesus Name I ask amen.

BROKEN

The words will just flow and will be under the blood of Jesus Christ. Oh man I have just a few minutes before going to school and I have to go to school soon because that's the only way I can ge ta ride there since my wom starts work a little after that and so yes I'm grateful for the ride but I feel as if I'm depending on her and my sister for rides even though I have my G now isn't that messed up? And what's more messed up is that I haev a midterm today that I didn't do my best in stdying for.. in fact I totally FOLDED under the pressure and the ongoing drama with my mom and dad are not helping.. studying in the house forget it! I already work in a library so forget studying in libraries.. no can do... I mean... where can I study.. nature? what abotu UV rays and cafe no way creepers talk and stalk and again even finding some time to pray is SOO hard... people barge in .. forget what I told them tw minute ago.. no knocking.. can hear ppl going to the washroom it's digusting and I recently learned that musci although I want to shut things out.. really don't help me in focussing ... one would foget everything they learned really.. no remembrance or long term memory with that one.. and I am just in TEARs... eveythign.. I can't even move out because I don't have the finances... I haev been deeply groomer for failure and medocracy and furthermore.. my dad has been FEASTING on the spirit of pornea that entered all our lives in the house and even entered my room last night couldn't selpp people comign in since I'm sharing a room with sis I couldn't sleep at all... but by the grace of God somehow... and because I was exhauseted .... I eman waht do I do.. walk to school early in teh morning... and oh yea dad or mom are leaving before the two weeks and God know how much porne aspirit he and she too both let out in different forms with her "moives" every night two or more movies... it's MISERABLe.. it's SAD... and I feel like I'm carrying this family.. no unity no love, no respect.. all weaklings.. and now my opportunities I'm blowing... my job and evethign.. I don't LIKE the way my life is now.. because I know it can be more.. and I feel I have a tremendous responsibility... how do I rise up... what do I do.. I hate being dependent on man or myself.. because can't trust neither... I don't even know God's Word.. or what He means... I need answers... I'm SOOOO Sad... because all my life I've been plagued... and I'm 21 now.. not 15 or anything.. 21 and I'm still in need of being set free for good... I need to be taken aaway from the place but how can I ... sure I love them... but this is killing me.... I ave soo many regrets and so much shame even with the pornea spirit... I hate it!!! I hate mediocracy and I HATE exceuse.. I HATE lies and I HATEE immorality especially sexual immorality! I hate it!!!! I ABSOLUTELY HATE it! I want to be the 2 percent that Dani talkes about but every day I feel like a failiure and not successful.... I don't know where the time is gone and I find it extremely hard to focus.. even on my God.. everyone else get what they want... I just FOLD under the pressure... UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I could justtt SCREAM outtttt... silently of course.... there is so much anger in me...... will I ever be saved..... oh mannn Lord... this SUCKS... no matter what I do.. I feel like I'm doign it wrong.. eveyrone thinks I'm rude and or sweet which is not the greatest compliemtn because any girl on the street can be sweet... people walk on me and abuse me... LITERALLY... what do I do??? Change me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pleaseee I beg You I can't do this anymore... it's so hard to live.... my mom and dad are so gone... thank God what You're doing in my sister's life... God I don't have time lefttttt.... I've wasted my time.. what in the world do I do??????? I'm still lost.. save me... out of this miry pit.... UGHHHH I hate this world sometimes and I hate the peopel... but someitmes I love the people too... even though they don't love me... and sometimes I hate me... I stepped down from what You hgave me and lost that momentum and now it's hard to get itback... everyone is given up including me... how do I rise up and not loose my HAIR???? What do I do??? I can't live like this... I HATEEE mediocracy with a passion.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH my mind is going cracy Lord... I have So much in me.. I can only cry and keep psilent because no one understands except You and sure the boy that keeps texting me may be nice but... I don't know I don't want ot be no chick that has issues getting duped by some guy that came along... that foudn me easy?? Ugh... my attittude sucks... help me Lord... Why do I get the worst in life.. I know it's me... how do I change.. my attitude took a turn for the worst... seriously... I'm DYING inside... help me!!! LORD I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDdd an intervention!! NOWWW! I need You NOW!!!!! Enough days crying on the day of exams ENOUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOw do I balance everythig.. how do I make momney so I am independent of others and only dependent of You..... UGHHH I want a tall nice nose godly handsome pure heart man who si smarrt and skilled and can financially provide forhte family... I would hate to be dissapointed...... I feel ike I am everyday.... disspointed with almost everything except You... hear my desperate cry from Heaven Lord, I come in JESUS name... help me JESUSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! I can't live anymore like this!!!!!!!!!!! Help me!!!!!!!!!!! I'm DESPERATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm BROKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm in a house full of eveil spirits that everyone lets in all the time maybe includign me accidentaly??? Help me... WHO ARE Youuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!?????? I need to know You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I ONLY WANT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST WANT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JESUSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!JESUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JESUSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What am I to do here!?????????????? Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SAVE ME from myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! save me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so much regret.... what is theis abidant life You talk of???? Have I ever experienced it??? What is this joy and this peace Youtalk of?? What is it??? I 'm sick of hearing about it although I like it I need You!!!!!!!!!!! My heart is NOT at rest!!! It's broken....................... I ened You.... I wnat to KILL the ENEMY in Your Name!!!! I want to FREEZE Helll.......... I want to SHUT the demons mouth.. I WANT TO see them run in fear.... I want to adavnce Your kingdom in a way NO oNE has ever done before... I want to bring GLORY to YOU alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want Your FAME to be known thorugh all the ages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I want to cry out to You !!! I want the world to come to You!!!!!!!!!!!! Jesus I want to make an eternal difference in this world I'm ere on..... while I'm here... HELP ME JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to DESTROY the evil spirits in JEsus Name... the ones that have taken away from my life.. I WANT TO KILL them in Jesus Name ... and turn around to help others in Jesus Name... I want the rest of my days on earth to OUTDO the years that the locusts and the spirit of fear and resoning have done awya with me... God I Neeed an ENCOUNTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR with YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CRY OUT to YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST WANT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JESUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS JESUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS JESUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CRY otu to You!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111 Jesusssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sick of feeel good.. I'm sick of false emotions... I'm SICK of it... I SICK and tired of beign sick and tire.d.. I'm sick of EMOTIONS that lead me astray...I'm suck of WORRRYYY I HATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WORRY!!!!!!! I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sickkk of this Exchema... on my body I 'm si ck of my hair fallign out... I'm sick of it..... I'm sick of trying to be good enough for the white man... I'm sick of it..... I'm sick of this world system.... I hate it...... Most days I want to die sooner so I can can bei with You and other days I want You to come sooner so this will all be dealt with.... and the rest of the days I drfit through.... I HATE SINN and I REALLY want the MOST IMTIMATE RELATIONSHIP with YOu... ENOUGH... ENOUGH surface Christianity... or feel godo Christianity... I want YOU ... I WAnt a realtionship with You !!!! I WANT YOUUUUUU JESUSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want YOU forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

JOY JOY JOY

Wowww... well I can't stop writing to Him and about Him... I wrote to Him throughout the day.. now let me .. allow me the priviledge of writing about Him... He visited me today in my room and the Holy Spirit just tickled me! lol yes.. I laughed for a good minute and really laugh.. from the inside out on my back lol! Oh man... all day for the past few days I haven't laughed like this... in fact I was the opposite and I was sad... but here was His JOY !!! Praise Him forver!

Love... Relationship... I've Got Something to Say

Dear God in Heaven, I come to You in Jesus Name, forgive me of my sins.. I have sinned greatly.. and I have offended you mightily... cleanse and wash me in the blood of Jesus Christ as I approach You In Jesus Name, amen. I'm listening to Starfield somethign to say and I was wondering why I was listening to them because I didn't reall feel like their lyrics were a reality in my life but it's closer to my life right now even though all else may seem calm outside things are surfacing in me that are shameful... last night was amazing.. for others You did an AWESOME thing like my sister which I thank You for... I know that You will use her mightily... bigger than ever.. I must confess I was jealous for some reason, but because I loved her that went away.. I wrote to You last night after a long time... and after the fact You were also doing an AWESOME work in me... I testified of Your goodness that night .. but You are always good... you brought in people to me at the diner table last night people who also You called to be a lawyer.. and others who talked to me about the prophet who had to marry the prostitute... then another individual talked me about love towards You that would motivate me to want to do what is right... no matter how I feel about it.. I must confess and be honest with you... I don't think I really truly had a relationship with You.. not sure if that has to do with my own relaitonship with my father here on erath or my own wicked ways.. but then I was thinking huh... what if the guy in question think of me like that.. I mean he probably deserved someone better than me to be real honest... and yet I have thing repulsion against him that I seem to not even want to get past.. I'm struggling with it.. It's strange because when I first met him I was quite neutral and there was nothing in him I didn't like and when I took a closer look at him I guess I saw the face was kind of weird with lines pimples etc and then I saw his shirt off and just the stuff on the face... I've seen the clear skin and I've gone out in the flesh in my own flesh pursuing the so called super hot men of teh world and getting not much progress and there is never peace with that... and my sister said there was something she felt when she saw us all together... then what I felt instead of being thanksful aside from being angry at her for leading me on with judgemental thoughts about his looks which we laughed about.. I was angry at myself and even at You ( forgive me I'm just trying to be honest... I want You) for not getting that ideal or better individual.. or at least someone I think is real cute and I feel honoured to be asked out on or all that stuff... I felt I really crushed the man yesterday... then the other individual takling to me about rewards after Heavean.. and I think you know that was so convicting like I told You last time and in eternity this man in question is probably going to be a king because he actually seems to have a reationship with you... while the man I \m trying to chase is ...You only know.. well it does seem that he is slipping away.. and this morning when I woke up.. I didn't want to wake up.. I am completely selfish I can't stand it but when I am not selfish I always get HURT likek even the creepy calls that I am so uncomfortable with.. which I started according to my sis and even meeting with those two boys in the future was cancelled nevr once did I think for praying for their sould and acting out in the love of Jesus ... the compassion for their souls.. I shoudl eb good at that stuff since I'm a pearl perosnality but no.. I'm worse than I thought.. not self condemnation .. just an observation... now that I have time... and I'm realy confused... oh and by the way thanks for the happy birthday that everyone pranked the restaurant on... it still made me feel special.. and yesterday I found that I was greving the hooy spirit and it hasn't been pictures or anything but when I moved in my own flesh ... yesterday the individual said that I'm either posessed by teh Holy Spirit or an evel spirit and yesterday I was defientely not allowing the HOly Spirit.. I was leting in all sorts of evil spirits... and I greieved You .. for tha I am sorry.. what do You want me to do... tell me.. show me. give me the love You speak of to give to others... I have not much time left... how do I live a holy life... I'm almost having a crisi of faith.. beng greatly convicted God.. it's painful... and I don't want to be weak.. what am I to do.. so yes also this morning my mom came to me in the morning and ( I just thought.. can I ever watch movies? because every time I do.. if I'm with him.. and he's not the way I am attracted to... and I know rightfully he may see waaaayy hotter girls than me on the big screen but I don't know how he will take it but for me... I won't be able to kiss him that night and I will feel trapped in the relationship no matter how much a pize he is.. not sure if I could please him.. nor if he could please me... I am sorry I have all this unbelief and distrust.. and I just hear in the song that what was black and white is grey.. but I do believe You and trust You... I just thought I had a great relaitonsip with You or GREAT faith in You but I'm wrong and I need help in this area...and also when I see amazing testimonies of those who are writing Christian novel adn having a SUPER SUPER I mean SUPER hot GODLY men as their husband I do get jealous and covet that... and wonder when if I will be a writer like that..am I being swayed by everything Is see or am I relaly supressing the gift You gave me that I'm doing nothing with when everyone aroudn me is writing books...what do I wite about... how do I seek You and write a book about seek Him if I don't know how to to seek You myself.. or sometimes looking back didn't have the will to seek You.. and I even wander.. well I know why he didn't text or call me afterwards like he usually does and I have to work with them... what about misnistry.. and doing anything ... everything.. even prayer I think write now what I'm writing is completely selfish because I dove irght into my life.. when I shoudl be wroshiping and reveing You and You holiness... You are Almighty God.. what am I doing talking about me... UGH! Forgive me Lord! I take the forgiveness You give me... I DON"T RELALY KNOW You!! Help me know YoU!! l.. I feel everyone is moivng fowrads except me.. ) so yes mom came in and told me that the papers for the divorce went through and she was relaly happy and she was praising You and I said that afterwards.... but the frist thing that came to mind was.. oh no.. I'm free... can You beleive that.. I know You heard that.. than God I'm free... then I was scared ... I mean now going out with this indivdual which looked ( after yeteay I dont knwo anymore) veyr very promising and I don't want to regret it like I did with Tim because what if they both went on to be great and I hear I was all alone... with no one comign to me because I'm not as hot as I used to be anyway in my opinion but muuuuuuch better and hotterr in other areas though.. thanks to You.. I don't knwo who I am.. am I Ishanie or Sarah.. a I tobe with Chris who may suceed wildly later.. and isn't that just like a gold digger mentallity instead loving them for whho they are... since looks don't last... oh man... why am I thinking this way... well I'm also thinking about my kids I guess... and sure he's sudu but not clear skin and not tall and no sharp features which I imagined to tell You the truth... I mean did I come to the wrong school.. should I have statye din York and should I have gone out with you know who the other hot guy who now won't even talk to me... I mean I felt bad for leavign this dude of question at the plaza but I don't know I had to study too you know... and when he touched me sexually I felt soooo weird... like turned off because his hands are small.. gentle sure... but I felt like he was just a kid.. and I'm crying Lord... this hurts... and I don't want to talke to these older ceo creepers ... maybe I'm wrong but I rallly don't want to talk to them.. plese take them away... sis says I'm too nice but when I go cold it all comes back to me... I don't dont that I will come to heaven.. but I wonder if I'll be a begger there... I mean... in a lowly state foever.. I mean how does that work... what about my daily sins known and unknown and what aboutholines and what am i dong for You... I dodn't even win a soul to You... if anything I turned them away from You... sigh... now I'm relly free to date .. or very soon to be.. Thank You for answering our prayers.. Your character is faithfulness...but yes I know that Joyce Myer isn't my business but she got at least a tall man who works out... and I know this dude in question is not fat but is quite pale and the body is not really porportionate.. I don't knwo I am totally not attracted to any part of him maybe except his blue eyes are the most heartfelt that I've seen... but do my passions and feelign not matter.. I mean if he thinks a certain way about me and I'm not.. what do I do... he ma even grow up to be tall.. at least soemthign that's attractng... and this guy seems to have character.. but ugh... why do i not value that...!!!! ??? but right now he's not.. and I don't want to marry for change in the future that's not even guaranteed.. why do I not want.. I mean was I even staying pure like You aksed us to.. and will I regret this decision if I walk away from it.. I need answers God... if I have to die to me to follow Yourself.. I'm pretty sure that's probably a good thing... but yea.. I mean.. other people having hot guys and me just living a life of always settling.. or giving in .. this prie is killing me.. butI don't want to be known as a woman who had pity on this man.. even though the truth is the guy in quesiton probably thinks I'm a total jerk and wants nothign to do with me and resented the fact I'm with him.. and maybe I'm overthinking everything.. I mean when he showed me a picture of Elvis Presley road I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO touched... like here is actually a guy who supports me and remmebers... and CARES... someone who actually cares... and even with Dani though the guy at least had an eght pack... and great features... and I want otehrs to say wow my husband is HOT God surely blessed her.. not in a way that oh how did she get her.. but where was I when he was single kind of thing athte other womens' end.. and what about this career thing.. or calling.. oh man.. even humbled gotta humbel myself in this area... ot caring abotu the world and what they think... AYE AYE AYE... I want a HOT husabnd and GOD ly too but HOT!! And yes others have this amazing vision.. about buildign school.s.. gogn to Mexico for You.. and I got ZILCH.. well not zilch just the lawyer thing which I'm saying whatttt huh.. I compare.. adn I like people.. even love people bt then at other times I dilie htem or hate them and don't want anything to do with them... relationships are hard work adn I don't have the energy God.. help me.. how come the hot guys don't come talk to me like they do my sis.. and not all hot guys are jerks... can't be... nor coudl they be ungodt.. sicne there are defientely ugly guys from this world's standards that are godless...ugh and I wodner why I have to be stuck with an ugly ungodly man.. even ugly people agree they don't want ugly.. and then I commit adultary and then in a worse mess... but I agree even though hottest guy whatever... can also lead me to adultary.. but I'm talking baout the hot godly men that i KNOWWWW are out there and were to in the past like Joseph .. and sometimes I dont' know what I want.. because even with the last scenario of regret I thought I didn't want him and ended up wanting him because I couldn't have him.. and what about .. I just realized I cna't discuss these thinsg with anyone but You.. so yea.. and what about what Dai said.. going out with the person that's right htere with me.... and people I want end up not watning me.. and I don't desire him though.. the digustion is growing even though really see nothing wrong with him.. ugh.. never did I lie going to his profiel page... I guess I do tkae on profile appreaarences like the survey asked... ugh... so frustrated.. even forgot what I was going to write.. so yes sis says he's not wimpy.. okay.. so ugh I knew that.. did I ruin everything yesteday... then again someone said.. everything will work out... yesterday I got answers from all thre guys.. and I like guys... yesterday I wanted to do away with them altogether... but I like attention from guys.. I like flirtying with guys adn getting their attention.. the good ones I mean.. ugh oh man.. Help me Lord!

This is Your creation

Trusting God and not man or Flesh

I come in Jesus Name and I conver this convo in the blood of Jesus Christi in Jesus Name, amen. Dani was touching on this today... from Jeremiah.. oh man... let's just say.. was feeling a stronghold about one things just running over my mind over and over.. headaches.. and blood rushes . aye aye aye... those two guys.. should be good to meet them. but fear of rejection and unknown came over me... it was crazyy.. but the good news is that royalty.. Sarah.. princes.. KINGLY call.. hmm in the marketplac.e. hmm and started my investing and savings today... help me Lord Jesus! Praise You for Your mercy on me.. how prideful I was.. forgive me... show me how to trust You and know Your voice! Show me whether I have both kingly and priestly annointing ... and how to witness in the marketplace to a stranger... teach me give me all boldness Lord! Give me boldness to speak JESUS and tell them of the gospel while looking into their eyes and very soul!

Veryy Intersting Day Glory to God!

I believe covering each word with the blood of Jesus Christ in Jesus Name, amen. So yes as soon as I woke up I had to rush to my dental appointment but in the car I was speaking in Tongues and praying in the car. Turns out I was forty minutes early but immediately there was contact and smiles going all around! Then as I was waiting I was just texting people left and right just flowing crazy... then I went in and I talked and CONNECTED with her my dental assistant and even got her contact info! Woah thanks GOD! Then I went to the Driver Liscence place and even made a friend while waiting on the line! Talking about enjoying every moment while waiting... she was sudu also!! Everyone actually today was sudu lol Then I went home and spent time and then went to school and got a lot of texts back and great responses and then went to school met more new people! There was a surprise bday party from my friend and there was a lot of witnessing especially to this one girl who opened up and had a lot of questions... and then met with my other friend again... and then met with moreee people and then got an hour of reading done LOL but then there was Bible STudy and I asked to two giant goregeous men of God questions and they congratlated me on entering into the new level with God.. ministering, witnessing, spendign time with God, the fire going, etc learned a LOT there... met new people as well and learned a lot about spiritual warfare... and THEN a really neat experience with UPDATE!! I mean he was HOTTT !! Every eye was looking mind you everyone was looking at me too today praise God! lol But yes we were outside on the benches...lots of jokes.. good conversation flow.. best convo since the last time I saw him. BEAUUUTIFUL eyes... my flesh was still attracted you know.. physically atrracted.. but I felt I had to continuously guard my heart unlike the other where I could be more free.. and my heart feel safe... we ofund a lot more in common like nature and the pics we took on our phone .. he walked me back even if he had a serious assignment to work on... we shared our visions... we tlaked about .. well he talked about when he first met me.... at a common friends' birthday... talked about politics.. learned a lot from him... enjoyed racoons hahah but yea it was greattt ! Now I was talking about have both the physical attraction and the heart.. a good heart... havent seen both yet reallyy... lol But I know I will in Jesus Name! Thank You God for my husband!!!:D:D:D

Pushing Through

Here I'm a pearl.... learned so much from Dani... interesting a little disturbing interaction with a prospect and in the guy department.. having feelings but not wanting to settle for less.. a husband like Dani.. Hans.. handsome, wealthy, and godly! In Jesus Name, I pray, amen!

May 23

Well goo day in the mornng but hten it was ony after time in prayer that it became a GREAAAATt day.. I means I got responses from peope favor favor favor... there was job offers and wanting to meet again because people liker my company! :O aww thanks God.. they more liked takking to You and spending time with You since it was You in me that was attracting! They need to know You! Use mee Lord In Jesus Name I pray amen. Also spent time with my interst.. shirt off took both of us aback! lol a new church and new atmonsphere and a new pub!! Glory to God! (I will worship You... I will not neglect You.. I will worship You)

Blank

I cover and protect each word with teh blood of Jesus Christ In Jesus Name I pray amen. I don't know what to say really.. so much to say I don'r know how to express it.. I know confusion is not from God and I have all these weird feelings and fears and sometimes stepping out and being nice and talking out doesn't yield the best results... btu I need encouragement... let's just say.. and I'm really tired now.. but yesterday teh impossible happened... God firstly vitisted me in an aamazing way as I yelled out Jesus... then at work I was connecting with EVERYONE.. and told my coworker abotu JESUS totally BOLDLY wittnessing and she even said the joy was contagious off of me and then even people who hurt me in the past shared a drink with me.. we almost kissed sorta in that sense and even said that they will find out and tell me about a phoen company and even gave me a DVD to watch! I mean if that isn't God I don't know what is.. yet another supernatural day.. including meeting guys liek oslm who was in finance and went to utsc and was a paige and I just randomly talked to and we shook hands.. even with the sam a shopkeeper young and CUTE as ever! And every employee almost and customer that was near me... I mean people talked.. een customer that I've seen before.. then of course a weird spiritual attack happened... lady yelling at me.. left my soul bruisd... I forgave her for sure today.. I am still in need of healing though... i feel another worker told me sth about suffering as God's cihld taht really stuck to me.. I'll say it in detail... he said his priest said that I want this to continue but then I still need healigng... I don't knw if I reacted well because I had tears in my eyes and I wouldnt stop talking about it.. but yea everyone raise d their hands when he asked who wants to be God's best child and then when he asked who wants to sffer nobody put their hand up.. but he talked about God's son Jesus sufferign the most... that brough t me comfort.. then now I have these thogught that are hindering me... I want to walk in freedom again.. and otehr fears from teh connections I already made.. I feel dioriented not knowing lacking energy, lacking confidence... then yesteray even with my good friend we talked at great length and I talked to her SOOOO much about God liek I knnow it was Holy Spirit!! Boldly talking to her about the LIVING Christ! But I knwo there's more.. today I have mixed feelings about a guy friend of mine.. and there are other guys in my life that I started feelings for again.. but at the same time I'm indifferent to all of them.. It feels like I want to spend time with God.. .I reallyy want to travel to the nations... I want God... and oh yea I talked with every employee lifting their spirits.. and I pray that they'll be more. and there was another man a visitor from Italy who also experienced the agressiveness of the woman and I still cant forget the GOREGEOUS smart man and even someone from the ealry morning froma while back a churchgoing young man too : ) That's God and divine appointments! I want more today! I want many more divine apopointments and I want this day to be a moe supernatural day of God filled with more divine appointments than ever before... kay, witing on God now

First Funeral

Oh man yesterday went to my first funeral in Aurora from a dear friend... the daughter kept crying ... it was a sad ... also I come to You in Jesus Name and I cover each word with the blood of Jesus Christ in Jesus Name I pray Amen. So yes yesterday I asked You or conirmation and you gave me a a QUICK response. I still want more confirmation it would be great if I could get confirmation via only volunteering a very few hours that I would have the option of working four hours notice. And God I pray that the guy is a Christian and not from te enemeny but if it is from teh enemy I pray God that you would SHUT IT and I would not hear back from him but if it is from you I pray even more supernatural favor will come your way through him. And God help me to keep you first... I don't know why all these feelings of nervousness and I pray that I will be glad and learn and be mentored by this ceo guy. and I pray that You will shut the door in my mind and deliver me completely... help me to be satisfied with balance with my schedule and help me Lord with schoolwork.. I need You and depend and lean on You... may my faith be great in You. God open my ears open my eyes give me a new heart and if this ear and hesitation and worry and unrest is from You let it INCREASE but if this is NOT from you, the fear and anxiety and restlessness in this venture let if be REMOVED completely in In Jesus Name i pray Amen.. Also confirm through material God I pray, amen May my heart be overjoyed and stirred up even more!!!. I remove unbelief in Jesus Name!!!!

Texas

I cover each word with the blood of Jesus in Jesus Name... wow this is cool I'm walking on water... I feel what Peter feels sometimes but I know that JESUS is right there! Thank You Lord!! Some guys replied with kind words and I was shocked and kind of wonderinf how to respond to success and favor lol what a good problem to have.. but I know that favor comes from the Lord and not them... so I know I should stop fretting about it ... soo... I need to ask You for confirmation Lord.. so specifically I pray that You will increase my ddesire for this boy if he is the one, especially the date we have set and then I need confrimation for working or volunteering for you for the the man I met today ... I know I jumped early and even the second time I responded consistantly because I sensed it was from You but I didn't want what you want me to do.. I ask that this man would reply to me before Tuesday midnight if this is for me... but if it is not for me Lord, I pray that You would work all things out for the good!! Help me to balance my time God! I know that You want me to walk in freedom .. but I would really like confirmation.. let Inukshuk and the desire to help children through education be a desire that ever grows in my heart otherwise take it away from me if it's not from you. If the boy you know whoo and if the foundation you know whattt is nt from you shut the door in Jesus Name as soon as possible! Thank You! I love you!!! In Jesus Name I pray, Amen : )

SUPERNATURAL DAY!

I cover every word I say here with the blood of Jesus Christ, I n Jesus Name, amen. Woahhh... supernatural day... may I say yesterday was amazing because God gave me te courage and love for my dad to hug himand we hugged for a long time... I cried... but yea PRAISE GODDDDDDDDDDDDD!!! I have loooads to tell you but out of interest in time I would say DIVINE appointments today... and its all because of GOD!! All the glory is God's! From smiling at a Phillipines lady and her child who I wanted to speak but for some reason didnt forgiven I went to starbucks and then started a convo with who happened to be a CEO who wanted basically recruit me and gave me his card and got y email... I mean he just wanted a pen... It was crazy.. and then we got into a long conversation... and then next came two guys who I asked to watch my stuff who I too kto iniative to connect with and one wanted to be a lawyer and the other was already in business and taught me valuable lessons like passing on businesses and that's ow it usually works... and the other guy talked to me about law school in Europe and about thinking about a vision that was larger than life basically dreaming big and they both agreed that they don't want to work for anyone but rather be the owner and make your won schedule and want to be at kids andd the guy actually talked about Plato first what I was reading...he took it when I came back from the washroom and read it... lol until I noticed.. I mea these were 2% peoplethat I prayed and asked God to place in y life!! And further more even inanother store I met someone from church who talked about people like Buffet the billionaire and oh man he was even talking about not havign 9-5 but rather retirement and working for God and learned so much from him and even things like Kerala is the place where all the pretty ladies are from lol and then even brought me a tea!! I mean that is favor then I met others too at the church even people friends who had GREAT news and even on facebook people are praising and thanking God for me but I know that it is ALL God and Holy Spirit and of ocurse my LOVE my everything my soul My all in all my God Jesus!!! Kepp it oming Lord... let the 2 % top excellent people be placed in my path and may You use me as a blessign to others and a vessel to bring glory to Your Name my King!!!!! In Jesus Name I pray, Amen!!!!

God out-surprises you!

I protect and cover every word I write on this blog with the blog of Jesus Christ In Jesus Name I pray Amen. The look on my face was schock when I heard from my worker that I got percfect on what they have been scoring me on... I was bad before in the sixtees or lower and to hear perfect was like JESUS!! I know that this was YOU!!! Oh man, praise GOD!!! I surprised my friend with canolis and she even confessed to me that she is starting to read the Bible! Woahh!! Jesus be with this gyal and claim her as your own in Jesus Name!! But yea connecting with a lot of people today... my eneergy wore out though widway.. God has to help me with this... but overall amazing day because God is SUPER Awesomeeee and even a little time in prayer in Tongues too can do a LOOOOOOTttt!! Praise Him!

PRAISE HImmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!

Yes... today I am still in the midst of having an awesome time with God!!! Listening toDani is shaking me up and making me uncomfrtable with where I am at! YES!!! Finally! ThankYou Jesus!!!! Yesterday...without fear Holy SPirit spoke out with great answers in class even though I didn't gget to do the readings... okay I didnt do them lol even in political theory class... anddd the amazing part is He prepared the answers for me in the first class because He knew the questions tahat would come up in the next class since participation in class is ten percent... but yeaaa did you knoww that the same topics were discussed even though it was different classes... we both on the same day same time talked about socrates, plato and aristotle!! That's GoD!!! LIke oh myy gosh.. it's like the porf asked for instance what happened to Socrates then I put up my hand then he said executed.. then he quickly aked by who I said the city .. and then he immediately asked me for what.. for corrupting the youth.. 3 for 3 I was like that's GOD!!!! Becauseeee I got all these answers drilled into me in the class just before since socio is 1-3 and politicaltheory is 3-5pm. .... now that is GODDDD and I prayed that morning in tongues more and more... Woahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! I'm in awe!

Where Do I Start!?

Oh man.. I'll just go back from what happened... so yea... I had a crazy dream... first of all it was a miracle to even sleep continuously... my kneeee was spasing like crazy before and the night before I had never had much sleep and even if I tried I couldn't get to sleepp... i'll talk on that later... so yes last night I had a dream that I was in my library and DANI JOHNSON came to my library.. and I was trying to tell her that I prayed for God to bring her closer to home and she came! And then she talked to me in the back room and then she said something like or maybe I said that this is not my destiny and I just fell back and started talking in tongues.. adn then evrything else was blurry and messy... I forgot now lol.. but I defientely saw Dani multiple times..in my library... but yes I went to the doctor yesterday and God made a way for us to go early how.. by makign the doctor comem easrlier than planned and then she said I was low on magnesium... but the shakign continued until after I prayed and I was completely healed.. I felt God's Spirit hover over me... there was of course a club meeting today.. and I shared what I learned with them which was the bunjee cord analogy... you you looks like forwardmovement but binjee cord the evi one strategist pulls back downn... must pray for bunjee and cut it in Jesus Name.. and for me I beleive it was my past and myfamily relationships ... a long strong bunnjee cord lol but oh man when I listened to Dani..it was entering into another level! .... God help me! I thank God for this revelation... wow and I seem to be getting dates ;) ... no.. there's no more update ... that person forgot I gues... but one this I learned is that I forgive him : )