BROKEN

The words will just flow and will be under the blood of Jesus Christ. Oh man I have just a few minutes before going to school and I have to go to school soon because that's the only way I can ge ta ride there since my wom starts work a little after that and so yes I'm grateful for the ride but I feel as if I'm depending on her and my sister for rides even though I have my G now isn't that messed up? And what's more messed up is that I haev a midterm today that I didn't do my best in stdying for.. in fact I totally FOLDED under the pressure and the ongoing drama with my mom and dad are not helping.. studying in the house forget it! I already work in a library so forget studying in libraries.. no can do... I mean... where can I study.. nature? what abotu UV rays and cafe no way creepers talk and stalk and again even finding some time to pray is SOO hard... people barge in .. forget what I told them tw minute ago.. no knocking.. can hear ppl going to the washroom it's digusting and I recently learned that musci although I want to shut things out.. really don't help me in focussing ... one would foget everything they learned really.. no remembrance or long term memory with that one.. and I am just in TEARs... eveythign.. I can't even move out because I don't have the finances... I haev been deeply groomer for failure and medocracy and furthermore.. my dad has been FEASTING on the spirit of pornea that entered all our lives in the house and even entered my room last night couldn't selpp people comign in since I'm sharing a room with sis I couldn't sleep at all... but by the grace of God somehow... and because I was exhauseted .... I eman waht do I do.. walk to school early in teh morning... and oh yea dad or mom are leaving before the two weeks and God know how much porne aspirit he and she too both let out in different forms with her "moives" every night two or more movies... it's MISERABLe.. it's SAD... and I feel like I'm carrying this family.. no unity no love, no respect.. all weaklings.. and now my opportunities I'm blowing... my job and evethign.. I don't LIKE the way my life is now.. because I know it can be more.. and I feel I have a tremendous responsibility... how do I rise up... what do I do.. I hate being dependent on man or myself.. because can't trust neither... I don't even know God's Word.. or what He means... I need answers... I'm SOOOO Sad... because all my life I've been plagued... and I'm 21 now.. not 15 or anything.. 21 and I'm still in need of being set free for good... I need to be taken aaway from the place but how can I ... sure I love them... but this is killing me.... I ave soo many regrets and so much shame even with the pornea spirit... I hate it!!! I hate mediocracy and I HATE exceuse.. I HATE lies and I HATEE immorality especially sexual immorality! I hate it!!!! I ABSOLUTELY HATE it! I want to be the 2 percent that Dani talkes about but every day I feel like a failiure and not successful.... I don't know where the time is gone and I find it extremely hard to focus.. even on my God.. everyone else get what they want... I just FOLD under the pressure... UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I could justtt SCREAM outtttt... silently of course.... there is so much anger in me...... will I ever be saved..... oh mannn Lord... this SUCKS... no matter what I do.. I feel like I'm doign it wrong.. eveyrone thinks I'm rude and or sweet which is not the greatest compliemtn because any girl on the street can be sweet... people walk on me and abuse me... LITERALLY... what do I do??? Change me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pleaseee I beg You I can't do this anymore... it's so hard to live.... my mom and dad are so gone... thank God what You're doing in my sister's life... God I don't have time lefttttt.... I've wasted my time.. what in the world do I do??????? I'm still lost.. save me... out of this miry pit.... UGHHHH I hate this world sometimes and I hate the peopel... but someitmes I love the people too... even though they don't love me... and sometimes I hate me... I stepped down from what You hgave me and lost that momentum and now it's hard to get itback... everyone is given up including me... how do I rise up and not loose my HAIR???? What do I do??? I can't live like this... I HATEEE mediocracy with a passion.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH my mind is going cracy Lord... I have So much in me.. I can only cry and keep psilent because no one understands except You and sure the boy that keeps texting me may be nice but... I don't know I don't want ot be no chick that has issues getting duped by some guy that came along... that foudn me easy?? Ugh... my attittude sucks... help me Lord... Why do I get the worst in life.. I know it's me... how do I change.. my attitude took a turn for the worst... seriously... I'm DYING inside... help me!!! LORD I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDdd an intervention!! NOWWW! I need You NOW!!!!! Enough days crying on the day of exams ENOUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOw do I balance everythig.. how do I make momney so I am independent of others and only dependent of You..... UGHHH I want a tall nice nose godly handsome pure heart man who si smarrt and skilled and can financially provide forhte family... I would hate to be dissapointed...... I feel ike I am everyday.... disspointed with almost everything except You... hear my desperate cry from Heaven Lord, I come in JESUS name... help me JESUSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! I can't live anymore like this!!!!!!!!!!! Help me!!!!!!!!!!! I'm DESPERATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm BROKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm in a house full of eveil spirits that everyone lets in all the time maybe includign me accidentaly??? Help me... WHO ARE Youuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!?????? I need to know You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I ONLY WANT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST WANT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JESUSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!JESUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JESUSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What am I to do here!?????????????? Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SAVE ME from myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! save me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so much regret.... what is theis abidant life You talk of???? Have I ever experienced it??? What is this joy and this peace Youtalk of?? What is it??? I 'm sick of hearing about it although I like it I need You!!!!!!!!!!! My heart is NOT at rest!!! It's broken....................... I ened You.... I wnat to KILL the ENEMY in Your Name!!!! I want to FREEZE Helll.......... I want to SHUT the demons mouth.. I WANT TO see them run in fear.... I want to adavnce Your kingdom in a way NO oNE has ever done before... I want to bring GLORY to YOU alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want Your FAME to be known thorugh all the ages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I want to cry out to You !!! I want the world to come to You!!!!!!!!!!!! Jesus I want to make an eternal difference in this world I'm ere on..... while I'm here... HELP ME JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to DESTROY the evil spirits in JEsus Name... the ones that have taken away from my life.. I WANT TO KILL them in Jesus Name ... and turn around to help others in Jesus Name... I want the rest of my days on earth to OUTDO the years that the locusts and the spirit of fear and resoning have done awya with me... God I Neeed an ENCOUNTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR with YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CRY OUT to YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST WANT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JESUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS JESUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS JESUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CRY otu to You!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111 Jesusssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sick of feeel good.. I'm sick of false emotions... I'm SICK of it... I SICK and tired of beign sick and tire.d.. I'm sick of EMOTIONS that lead me astray...I'm suck of WORRRYYY I HATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WORRY!!!!!!! I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sickkk of this Exchema... on my body I 'm si ck of my hair fallign out... I'm sick of it..... I'm sick of trying to be good enough for the white man... I'm sick of it..... I'm sick of this world system.... I hate it...... Most days I want to die sooner so I can can bei with You and other days I want You to come sooner so this will all be dealt with.... and the rest of the days I drfit through.... I HATE SINN and I REALLY want the MOST IMTIMATE RELATIONSHIP with YOu... ENOUGH... ENOUGH surface Christianity... or feel godo Christianity... I want YOU ... I WAnt a realtionship with You !!!! I WANT YOUUUUUU JESUSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want YOU forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111