Dear Heavenly Father,
I come to Thee in Jesus Name. I certainly ask for Your forgiveness for in reading Your perfect Word I am convicted! Help me to change God. I have to confess. When earlier I used to think of You in the morning I awake and worry and fret and become anxious about vain things. One example is the atheist who had texted me last night and those who didn't text me such as meop and the river who texted but was not intersted. After looking at statements like "... you attract your self worth..." or "... you attract a particular dysfunction ..." on certain websites and blogs I find the truth so painful to hear. It's true however as I examine my life. I am not attracted to great godly men such as meop who probably never had a girlfriend but I attract and am strangely attracted to bad boys who are controlling and addicted to God knows what. Help me God! This seems to be something that is subconsciously ingrained in me. I do not have an inkling of like towards any godly man at the moment nor can I ever recall a lasting one. I know godly men are the best and a great blessing but why is it so hard? There seems to be a disconnect.
And I remember the bondage of being unequally yoked. In Your grace You delivered me from an abusive marriage. Which is now closed legally and I'm praying for it to be spiritually closed which it slowly but surely happening with time and prayer. Even with meop my heart has hardened towards him. I acknowledge that I have a huge problem with lust. It started with a lust for food which You have graciously delivered me from, to a lust in sexual immorality and a product of that is just being so anxious and obsessed around boys. Help me to truly repent and turn away. I do the very thing I hate. This is certainly connected to my past in which I have begun to drink when being rejected and then settling for way less. Since my ankle is is resting I can't even go to church today but even in all my distress I seek You Lord. Have mercy on me. I need You more than I ever needed You before. I admit I have not been diligent in seeking You as before and as a result I feel like I have grieved the Holy Spirit. I haven't even begun on studying for my challenging political philosophy midterm. Dear God, save me from myself! I need godly men around me for as I read in Your word I must choose my friends carefully and have wise and prudent friend as apposed to foolish ones who lack wisdom and understanding. It seems like I am attracting the wrong people. Dear God I need Thee. Every hour I need Thee! In Jesus Name I pray, amen.
Love,
Sarah
It's funny reading this I am surprised at how open I am. But I can write to God when I cannot speak a word at times. And in reading this I have painted an ugly image of myself... sin is ugly... but I have to also confess the transformation that God has made in me and for that I give God all the glory. I have no desire to drink anymore nor to I have any desire to watch anything that is sexually immoral on screen. I am surprised as to how I got entangled in it but God has delivered me out. I used to be a naiive girl who talks to anybody and a "yes" girl who wants to please everyone, a perfectionist who got straight A's and had the highest average of my grade along with awards galore. I used to be heavily involved in extra curricular activities, in the church as well as the consecutive female athlete of the year. I could go one but the point I wand to make clear is that my heart was not right and God showed me that sin is real, the the devil is real and that only He can save me and He has. Day by day He is changing me into His likeness. He has given me hope and perfect peace in my darkest hour.
ReplyDeleteLord You are quick to answer! I felt Your comforting presence oh so great in mercy while in the kitchen preparing my breakfast laboriously in crutches. To keep it short and simple You have answered me on a television screen. You are telling me that I am called to serve You Lord and that the time is short. I don't exactly know the denomination that spoke in one of the two channels we have on the TV here but it really spoke to me about serving You with greater conviction. The time is now to be faithful to You. Thank You for hearing me Lord. I love You!
ReplyDelete